Dating memes 2018

Reddit's first!

2018.06.01 20:48 SkywalkerVSJediOrder Reddit's first!

Admins think its funny to copy Digg.
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2017.04.12 01:07 critfist A place to learn ancient cookery

Welcome to /ArchaicCooking. This is a subreddit for those interested in learning to cook and discuss the food of the past. Subjects can range anywhere from ancient Roman cookery to the delights of 1700's London. Generally, nothing from the 1800's and above.
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2020.10.27 00:30 Jean_des_Esseintes Deep Dive into Facedrive (FD.V) - Short Thesis, Target $0.43

Quick Data

Current Price: $11.06
Shares Outstanding: 93,729,980
Market Cap: 1.037 billion
TTM Revenue: 0.91 million
Price/Sales: 1140x

Background

Facedrive is a ridesharing company that is designed to incentivize and empower the green and socially responsible consumer through the use of its carbon neutral ridesharing platform. The company was founded in January 2016 by Imran Ali Khan and Junaid Razvi but only became operational in late 2018. In August 2019 Facedrive completed a reverse take-over with High Mountain Resources and listed on the TSX Venture Exchange. Since listing on the TSX-V Facedrive has also completed a number of small acquisitions to expand its offerings both in the rideshare market and other "Facedrive Verticals".

Value Proposition

In its IPO filing statement issued 14 months ago Facedrive outlined a number of growth initiatives including:
As of today Facedrive has only achieved one of these objectives - entering the Ottawa market. In fact Facedrive has yet to expand out of Ontario with its operations limited to the Greater Toronto Area, Ottawa, Hamilton, London, Guelph, Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge and Orillia. Since the beginning Facedrive has been incredibly slow in rolling out their app to targeted cities. Despite being founded in January 2016 and receiving a Toronto license in 2017 the app only became operational in late 2018.
As for 3% market penetration Facedrive's gross revenue for the first 6 months of this year was $999 thousand. The rideshare market for Canada this year (adjusted for Covid) is $1.52 billion ( https://www.statista.com/outlook/368/108/ride-hailing-taxi/canada). Since Facedrive only operates in about 20% of Canada's markets, population adjusted, the current addressable market is closer to $300 million. Extrapolating Facedrive's gross revenue out to a full year would result in $2 million of revenue or less than 1% of market penetration.
But what about Covid? In the 2nd Q Lyft and Uber reported decreases in rideshare billings of 69% and 73% respectively. Meanwhile Facedrive's gross revenue dropped from $999 thousand in Q1 to $147 thousand in Q2, a drop of 85%. This signals that their market penetration is actually decreasing quarter over quarter.
Value proposition for riders? Facedrive's green initiative? The company began with the initiative to 1) offer electric vehicles); and 2) counter emissions from gas vehicles through an offset program. As of today there is nothing to differentiate Facedrive's offerings from its competitors as both Uber and Lyft now have electric vehicle options. There is no dedicated fleet of electric vehicles driving for Facedrive. Facedrive did donate $2,105 to Forests Ontario in Q1 2019 but there has been no mention of any offset program contributions since the company went public. The main benefit of rideshare programs is still convenience. For Facedrive to compete with Uber and Lyft they need drivers. At this point there are just not enough drivers to produce reasonable wait times. Reviews of the app consistently complain about wait times of up to half an hour. And with the green initiative not being robust enough to differentiate it from its competitors it is just not worth the time.
Value proposition for drivers? Over the last year Facedrive has paid out anywhere from 75% to 83% to drivers. This is slightly higher than Uber and Lyft which average around 75%. But not enough of an incentive for a driver to use Facedrive exclusively. I expect that pretty much all of the revenue Facedrive generates comes from drivers who use multiple platforms.
Conclusion: Facedrive has consistently failed to meet growth targets. Its current market penetration is less than 1% and possibly decreasing. There is no incentive for either drivers or riders to continue using the app when Uber and Lyft are perfectly suitable.

Facedrive Verticals

After its IPO Facedrive used a combination of cash and shares to acquire stakes in a number of other ventures which they plan to incorporate into their "ecosystem". Buzz words however do not make a company. None of these ventures generate significant revenue or offer much potential for growth so I'll only cover them briefly.

HiRide
This is a carpooling app similar to Poparide except no one uses it and it doesn't generate any revenue. There is also a trivia app HiQ which claims to be a social app that you can enjoy while social distancing (in your carpool?). HiQ claims to have 2 million downloads (Facedrive press releases all of the major milestones) and yet it doesn't rank in the Trivia category for both IOS and Google. I downloaded the app and played for 15 minutes. The app is beyond basic with the most elementary social element. I tired messaging some other players based on similar interests but no one responded. After 15 minutes of answering both outdated and at times repetitive trivia questions I was ranked 794th all time and earned $1. I am also 74th on the weekly list which leads me to believe the app has less than 100 active users. Reading the reviews on Google Play it is a combination of obvious fake reviews (multiple reviews showing up the same day with similar broken English) and people complaining they didn't get their money for answering the trivia questions.

Facedrive Marketplace
This launched in May and generated $7 thousand in revenue. The only products available are apparel from Westbrook Inc. (a content company affiliated with Will Smith). Facedrive partnered with Westbrook last year by purchasing a $1 million convertible note. In return they have the right to sell exclusive Westbrook products to their ridership. Curiously Facedrive failed to disclose at the time of the transaction that Westbrook Inc owned 192,338 shares in Facedrive at the time of its IPO. This is a recurrent theme - I give you shares, you give me shares.

Facedrive Foods + Food Hwy
Facedrive Foods consists of assets purchased out of bankruptcy from Foodora Canada. The cost was $500K. The assets Facedrive received were Foodora's restaurant and customer list. Customers however had to opt in through e-mail in order for their contact details to be released to Facedrive. Facedrive can not use Foodora's name nor did they acquire any of Foodora's technology. The Facedrive Foods app was developed from scratch and going by reviews it is not that good. The restaurants available are mostly second tier chains listed on pretty much all the food apps. On IOS the app is ranked #157 in the food category currently - they have no market penetration.
Food Hwy is probably the closest thing to a real business Facedrive has acquired. It is another food delivery app, quite niche as it caters to the foreign student market. Facedrive paid $9.1 million in cash and shares for Food Hwy. It expects it to generate $10.5 million in revenue in 2020. No mention of profit, growth rate, or its revenue from prior years. Just an expectation.

Facedrive Health
Facedrive Health is pretty much an app + wearable bracelet called TraceScan. Through bluetooth technology it can determine if you have come into contact with someone who has tested positive for Covid-19. Ontario already has a contact tracing app that works through bluetooth and can be downloaded onto one's mobile phone (no need for a bracelet). The official Ontario app only has 8% market penetration despite its ease of use. Facedrive is currently running a pilot with Air Canada for their bracelets but the market for these bracelets is so limited when the free Ontario app does a perfectly fine job in 99% of interactions.

Tally Technology
Facedrive invested $3 million in cash and shares in this sports prediction company founded by Russell Wilson. Tally's main asset TraceMe was sold last year to Nike. Nike had no interest in the tech that remains under the Tally umbrella. All the top execs at Tally also left for Nike so it is unclear at this point what potential the remaining assets have. https://www.playtally.com

Steer Holdings
An electric vehicle subscription platform based out of Washington D.C. Another company on the verge of bankruptcy where Facedrive offered up $3.25 million USD worth of shares and in exchange the parent company of Steer purchased $2 million USD worth of shares - I give you shares and you buy some of them back. Again no mention of revenue, profit margins, growth rates or anything in the press release. Just a bunch of buzz words concerning the total addressable market.

Key Management

Does Facedrive have the management in place to successfully take on the behemoths of Uber and Lyft? Or to penetrate fresh verticals and successfully create a socially responsible ecosystem?

Junaid Razvi
Co-Founder and Executive Vice President of Facedrive, Razvi currently owns 8,751,930 shares or 9.3% of Facedrive. Prior to founding Facedrive Mr. Razvi was the CEO of an IT company in the Middle East https://www.panarabia.ae . Not much else is known other than they have a horrible website.

Sayan Navaratnam
Current CEO of Facedrive and owns 32,395,180 shares or 34.75% of Facedrive. He assumed the position of CEO in March 2019 just prior to Facedrive's TSX-V listing application. Mr. Navaratnam at first glance has a respectable resume. He was CEO of A.C. Technical Systems, specializing in security and surveillance systems. From 2014-1019 he was the CEO Connex Telecommunications Corporation. He has an investment arm called the Malar Group which purchased control of both A.C. Technical and Connex. Between 2017 and 2019 Mr. Navaratnam and Malar also took a substantial stake in Facedrive. I suspect Mr. Navaratnam connected with the co-founder Mr. Razvi as they both worked in the IT telecommunications sphere. It appears Malar has an impressive portfolio of companies but most of them are subsidiaries of Connex. Both Mr. Razvi and Mr. Navaratnam are telecommunication and hardware experts who are trying to create a social enterprise digital ecosystem geared towards milennials. They are not millennials.

Heung Hung Lee
Current CFO of Facedrive. Ms. Lee has been working with Mr. Navaratnam since 2004 when she was the CFO of A.C. Technical Systems. She then became the CFO of Connex before taking the position at Facedrive. Ms. Lee has never been employed by a billion dollar corporation let alone been the CFO of one. Perhaps this position is too overwhelming as Facedrive has failed to file their last 2 quarterly financials on time.

Jay Wilgar
Jay Wilgar was appointed the chief strategy officer of Facedrive earlier this year. Formerly he was CEO of Newstrike Brands (cannabis company) and prior to Newstrike he was CEO of both a pharmaceutical and a renewable energy company. He has a history of building companies and selling them at opportune times. However he has no experience in technology and again has never been responsible for growing a billion dollar company.

And that's pretty much it for the brains of the company.

Shady Dealings


Mr. Navaratnam's Cash Cow
Prior to becoming a public company, Mr. Navaratnam was generating significant revenue for his companies by billing Facedrive for his companies' services. Mr. Navaratnam's companies under the Malar Group were responsible for not only developing the Facedrive app, but also providing customer and driver support, leasing office space, and marketing the app. Talk about an ecosystem! Here are some snippets from Facedrive's filings:
As at September 30, 2019, $917,236 (December 31, 2018 - $436,626) was due to Dynalync 2000 Inc., a related company controlled by our Chairman and Chief Executive Officer. The amount owing is a result of the related company providing consulting services and product development, and the amount is included in the Company’s trade payable. The total expenses charged to the Company for the nine months ended September 30, 2019 were $1,200,300 (2018 - $397,100), which were included in research and development expenses of $702,300 (2018 - $241,300) and operational support expenses of $505,000 (2018 - $155,700).
Facedrive also engages DependableIT through Dynalync, a related company controlled by Sayanthan Navaratnam, the CEO, director and co-founder of Facedrive, to provide call center services to Facedrive.
Facedrive subleases office space in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Scarborough, Ontario, North York, Ontario, Toronto, Ontario, Hamilton, Ontario and Kanata, Ontario from Connex pursuant to a sublease agreement dated April 1, 2019 for $5,000 per month plus applicable taxes.
Since Facedrive has gone public they have moved most of their operations in house and hired their own developers cutting off the related transactions. But what this does show is that Facedrive basically began as a vehicle for its CEO to enrich himself, not only through the issuance of cheap stock (more on that later) but also through Facedrive's expense account.

Stockhouse
There is a group of posters on Stockhouse that just post the same gibberish day in and day out. Their only posts are on rideshare and big tech bullboards. These are not typical Stockhouse pumpers who own shares as they show up at the same time each day and in collaboration each cover a different talking point. No rocket emojis or "to the moon" memes - just buzz terms taken from press releases spun in a positive light. And they don't discuss any other stocks. You can find some of them here https://stockhouse.com/members/shirleyarman https://stockhouse.com/members/tylermathew https://stockhouse.com/members/xavier https://stockhouse.com/members/tianaa https://stockhouse.com/members/richardsondilam
Their grammar and erudition are also very similar to the fake reviews on the app stores.

Stock Promotion
The most egregious example of Facedrive's stock promotion is their agreement with Medtronics Online Solutions. Supposedly this is an arm lengths company and yet Google returns nothing. Pursuant to a Consulting Agreement, Medtronics provided and performed marketing and strategic consulting services for and on behalf of Facedrive. In return Medtronics received $8.2 million worth of stock or 800,000 shares.
Medtronics may be responsible for not only market making services (propping up the share price) but also various paid promotion that Facedrive has been engaged in. An example, https://oilprice.com/Energy/Energy-General/The-30-Trillion-Trend-Thats-Bigger-Than-The-Entire-US-Stock-Market.html
You may have also seen Facedrive heavily promoted on Motley Fool as the next Uber or Tesla or whatever is in vogue that week.

Misleading Press Releases
Pretty much all of Facedrive's press releases are misleading or overly promotional in one way or another. Take for example the press release announcing the appointment of Jay Wilgar. The release states,
Mr. Wilgar launched renewable development firm AIM PowerGen Corporation (“AIM”) and built it and successor companies into energy projects worth approximately $2.5 billion before AIM was acquired by global renewable power firm International Power Canada (IPR-GDF Suez) in 2009
AIM was acquired by International Power in 2009 but not for anywhere near $2.5 billion. In fact AIM was acquired for USD $109 million https://www.evwind.es/2009/10/23/international-power-canada-acquires-aim-powergen-from-renewable-energy-generation/1936
Then there are the HiQ press releases, first announcing 250K downloads, then 500K downloads, then 1 million, then 1.5 million, and then 2 million. From the July 14th press release,
The App has ranked Top 10 Trivia App in over 100 countries, and ranked Top 10 App in over 50 countries. Additionally, HiQ has ranked as the Number 1 Trivia App in Bolivia, Ecuador, Egypt, Nepal, and Pakistan.
None of this is true. The app is lucky to have 100 active users. Furthermore there is no AI algorithm involved as is claimed nor is their any matching based on interests even though this would be incredibly easy to program. The suggested friends appears completely random.

True Value of Facedrive


Is it worth $1 billion?
The market, both private and public has never valued the company anywhere near $1 billion. Since 2017 Facedrive has issued stock at the following prices (all issues are split adjusted to correspond with the current share count, and converted to CAD):
2017
2018
2019
The shares issued at $1.58 were issued in connection with the amalgamation agreement (IPO). The shares issued at 39 cents were all shares for debt transactions.
Think about this for a second. 22,480,113 shares or 24% of the outstanding shares were issued at a price of 2 cents! The price today is $11.06. What has changed since these shares were issued other than Facedrive has failed to meet any growth objectives and its market penetration along with brand power has dwindled to pretty much irrelevance.

Why is Facedrive trading at a $1 billion market cap?
As at June 30, 2020, the Company had 85,593,657 Shares subject to contractual lock-up restrictions which will be released on a rolling basis beginning March 16, 2021. 15% of the shares will come out of lock up on March 16, 2021, and for each subsequent 3 months another 15% will become free trading until September 30, 2022 when the final 10% will be released. This leaves only about 8 million shares in the current public float. It does not take much to move the share price in either direction.
Secondly, Facedrive has been promoting the stock in absolute desperation. They have enlisted an army of users to promote the stock on Stockhouse; they have posted fake reviews on both the Apple and Google app stores; they have paid for promotion in various investing publications; they have hired a mysterious marketing company to provide services in exchange for $8.2 million worth of shares. And yet they have done nothing to actually make a dent into their main competitors. Since its listing Facedrive has been more concerned with propping up its share price through stock promotion than it has been promoting its actual business to end users.

But, but intangibles!
There are none. There is no genius at the helm; there is no disruptive tech; there is no vision. Facedrive's best chance for success was to carve out a niche in the sustainable ridesharing market - capture the 1% of people that would be willing to wait 30 minutes for a ride in an EV. Not a billion dollar proposition but maybe something. Instead they opted for an endless dictionary of buzz words and delusions of grandeur.

Conclusion
So what is Facedrive's true value? The core of their operations, the ridesharing app, has made virtually no progress since it was developed in 2017. The ridesharing market is indeed a duopoly, and despite Facedrive's worst efforts to promote itself as an eco-conscious alternative it has failed to resonate with its target audience. If Uber or Lyft would be generous enough to purchase Facedrive's customer base (the tech is worthless to them) they might pay 20x net revenue or $20 million.
Given that management has done nothing to grow the business and its business plan is non-existent at worst and schizophrenic at best, it is hard to ascribe any value beyond what Facedrive has paid for the distressed assets they have purchased this year. So maybe another $15 million here (being extremely generous).
Then there is cash on the balance sheet which as of today given the recent acquisitions and burn rate is maybe $5 million.
So $40 million total. This actually sounds like way too much money for what one is getting but it still only equals 43 cents/share. Facedrive is currently trading at $11.06. Even throwing in another $50 million margin of error would still result in a 90% return from a short position.


submitted by Jean_des_Esseintes to CanadianInvestor [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:00 _call-me-al_ Mon, Oct 26 2020

worldnews

France pledges to ban 'conversion therapy' and improve LGBTQ+ education
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Catholic lawmakers ‘have no basis’ to deny same-sex civil unions after Pope’s historic intervention, says Philippine president
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‘An End to the Chapter of Dictatorship’: Chileans Vote to Draft a New Constitution
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news

Florida man got $1.9M in PPP money, used it to buy new Mercedes, prosecutors say
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County Judge: El Paso hospitals and intensive care units are at 100% capacity
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Californians see power shutoffs as winds, fire danger rise
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science

Tackling climate change seemed expensive. Then COVID happened. the money countries have put on the table to address COVID-19 far outstrips the low-carbon investments that scientists say are needed in the next five years to avoid climate catastrophe — by about an order of magnitude.
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People who score high in the general tendency toward exploration are not only driven to engage in behavioral forms of exploration, but also tend to get energized through the possibility of discovering new information and extracting meaning and growth from their experiences.
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Trump support predicted intentions to defy social distancing norms during early stages of the COVID-19 outbreak. Faith in Trump and faith in his COVID-specific positions were associated with intentions to defy social distancing norms, even after accounting for typical criminological predictors
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space

Unlike most Milky Way images which are taken with a wide angle lens, I used a telephoto lens to take this shot which brings out far more detail in the stars and foreground alike! [OC]
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Water has been confirmed on the sunlight side of the moon - NASA telephonic media briefing
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I captured this self portrait under the Milky Way at Craters of the Moon National Monument with my girlfriend in a single 15 second photo.
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Futurology

Solar-Powered Boats Are More Viable Than Ever With Improved Batteries "Diesel-powered engines are getting some healthy competition."
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Breakthrough with potential to prevent, reverse Alzheimer's...in animals after one month of treatment, memory loss and cognitive impairments disappeared
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Robots aren’t better soldiers than humans - Removing human control from the use of force is a grave threat to humanity that deserves urgent multilateral action.
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AskReddit

Doctors and nurses of reddit what have been your "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME IN SOONER!?" Moments?
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Have you ever taken someone up on an offer of, "well if there's anything I can do to help, let me know," and if so, how did it end up?
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Current and former residents of an HOA, what's your "I'll never live in an HOA again" story?
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todayilearned

TIL in Sierra Leone, before getting a driver's license, you have to buy a board game called "The Drivers' Way" and play it at least once. The game involves rolling stoplight-themed dice and moving models of classic cars around a board, together with answering questions about the country’s road laws
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TIL that the AT&T stadium in Arlington, Texas changes the gender signs on bathrooms based on the gender makeup of a crowd. This allows them to provide more female or male bathrooms depending on the event. It also prevents long lines for bathrooms.
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TIL of Friedrich Kellner’s diary titled “My Opposition”, consisting of 10 volumes, 861 pages, and 676 individually dated entries from September 1939 to May 1945. His diary offers a glimpse at what an average German citizen might’ve known of during the height of Nazi Germany’s power.
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dataisbeautiful

[OC] The world's 187 fastest Super Mario Bros 1 speedrunners after 4 minutes, 55 seconds, and 646 milliseconds.
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[OC] I asked 1.6k people how many holes certain objects have.
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Spain can fit (by area) all of Germany, Austria, Denmark and Slovenia [OC]
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Cooking

My brother used my $120 knife to chop parsley on a marble countertop.
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Garlic spread, also known as Toum. That white stuff in shawarma or donairs.
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now that the holiday season is coming up, what horrible cooking practices have you seen happen at family gatherings?
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food

[homemade] Breakfast Spread
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[Homemade] Full English Breakfast
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[homemade] Chili oil
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movies

New image from James Gunn's 'The Suicide Squad'
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Movies with no fat
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Anyone else tired of the "obviously stronger guy spends the whole fight throwing the hero over and over" trope?
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Art

"Among The Ruins", by Me, digital, 2020
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Deadgetables by Matthew Roby, Clay, 2020
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Drifting Together, me, oil, 2020
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television

‘Saturday Night Live’ Ratings Rise With Host Adele, Top World Series In Households
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Asylum: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
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New MST3K shorts from Joel Hodgson and the bots coming this Friday
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pics

Part 2 : Today I voted the first time ever in America. Now I finally feel like I am an American! :)
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My Assistant to the Regional Manager
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Iranian artist Neda Taiyebi turns abandoned military vehicles in Afghanistan into artworks
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gifs

A GIF camera from the 80's
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Snowboarding at night time.
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New meaning to Free Bird!
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educationalgifs

A GIF camera from the 80's
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Quantum Tunneling
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mildlyinteresting

Pan fried Brussel sprout looks like a tunnel
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I hit a ticket jackpot and started redeeming the tickets before they finished dispensing.
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Broken sign still somewhat accurate
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interestingasfuck

This picture of a cemetery looks like 2 pictures put together.
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Meet Narnia, a rare two faced cat
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Natural selection vs Artificial selection
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funny

With great responsibility, comes greater... err never mind
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Dammit Buford this is important
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how to curb roadrage!
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aww

Jumping into dad's arms
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Barack Obama with his Mother on Halloween (1964)
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Charlie’s mom hired me to hang out with him while she’s at work. We recently celebrated our 1 year of being best friends.
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Random Subreddit of the day: virginvschad

These are its 3 top posts of all time:
The Virgin Looking At Memes vs The Chad Being The Meme
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The Virgin University Professor vs. The Chad Random Indian Dude on YouTube
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The Virgin Positive Space vs the Chad Negative Space
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submitted by _call-me-al_ to RedditTLDR [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:23 eggsdeecooked Played DDLC for the first time

I actually thought ddlc was some sort of dating sim back in 2018, and well, I wasn't wrong, but when I found out that it isn't really what I thought I was intrigued.
I must say, I am extremely happy to not have any spoilers other than "damn Monika" and such appear, this game was so good and I was NOT expecting it, so no spoilers made it much better. The game at the start seemed like a normal dating sim, but then I see that Sayori isn't at school and I already know that this is not gonna go well, I thought after that it would end with Monika being evil or something, I was not expecting it to go for another act and then have that giant 4th wall break. During act 3 Monika actually says your name, and since my IRL name was on my Microsoft account I got scared SHITLESS, I honestly was really confused at how that happened since I hadn't played similar games that use that tactic so this was all new to me, then I thought "Hm, what if I close this window" and when I came back she said that stuff about feeling like she died and I felt bad, of course, I went on to delete her file since I did not know any other way of getting out of the mess I was in and the game restarted.
I was pretty disturbed and all, but then I see that the game is normal and could not think of how could this story end now, next Sayori goes sicko mode and Monika deletes her, credits roll and I cri
In short, the game is really well made. I couldn't really predict much other than Sayori's death which still was disturbing even after knowing it would happen, the song at the end gave me a heartache and I felt extremely bad for Monika even if she did all that earlier. I am happy to have played it and am also happy that people here still post memes and such, the stuff you guys send here is honestly pretty funny
Anyway, I posted this just because this game is so great that I wanted to send in its subreddit my thoughts on it, I'm looking forward to seeing new releases from the developers!
submitted by eggsdeecooked to DDLC [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 23:03 PlaneAd1858 How much would've the Five Nights at Freddy's movie still in development made around 2017-2018 vs. now around 2022-2023?

Even if the Five Nights at Freddy's movie turns out REALLY good and is a hit for Blumhouse, I feel like it probably would've better had it came out around 2017 or 2018, because I feel like that was when Five Nights at Freddy's was still at its peak. If it comes out in either 2022 or 2023, it may feel a bit dated like the Slender Man movie, which was criticized for coming out nearly 4 years after the 2014 Slender Man stabbing incident and the character of Slender Man was pretty much an old Internet meme by that point. Though, if Five Nights at Freddy's turns out MUCH better than the Slender Man movie was, then the comparison shouldn't be too big. How much do you think this upcoming Five Nights at Freddy's movie would've made around 2017-2018 to now around 2022-2023? Be sure to include opening weekend, domestic, international, and worldwide for both.
submitted by PlaneAd1858 to boxoffice [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 08:36 the_gerund Retrospective: PSV beating Feyenoord 10-0, 10 years ago today

Every year when I see the date 24-10, I am reminded of the worst ever day in the life of a Feyenoord supporter. Today marks 10 years since PSV beat Feyenoord 10-0. You may have heard about it back then or seen posts about it on October 24th since. I thought it'd be interesting to look back on that match, its context, the aftermath and what became of the players from that match.
The match If you want to watch it, you can: see just the goals here, or see the match in its entirety here.
I'm not here to defend the terrible performance, but I vaguely remember Feyenoord having some injuries at this time. Because of this, more experienced players like Ron Vlaar (concrete defender and captain), Sekou Cissé (perpetually injured winger), and Jon Dahl Tomasson (came back injured from the 2010 World Cup) did not appear. Instead of these, Feyenoord fielded a number of youngsters. Feyenoord had a bad start to the 2010-11 season, with only 2 wins in the first 9 games. PSV, on the other hand, hadn't lost a game yet.
The first half was bad, but not 10-0 bad. Reserve captain Leroy Fer overstretched his leg trying to get to a ball, and had to be subbed off after 14 minutes. After 24 minutes, PSV scored 1-0. Between the 26th and 34th minute, Feyenoord's right back Kelvin Leerdam got two yellow cards and was ejected. Right winger Ruben Schaken was then subbed off to add another defender: Bruno Martins Indi. Only 4 minutes later, he was the one to deflect a cross and score an own goal: 2-0.
The second half started awful, with PSV doubling the score within 5 minutes. 10 minutes later, and the score is 6-0. PSV supporters start chanting "10, 10, 10". Feyenoord subbing off young striker Luc Castaignos for defensive midfielder Adil Auassar (his first appearance) after 7-0 didn't change anything: PSV score their 8th and 9th. The fans keep chanting, and in the 87th minute the humiliation is complete as they score their 10th. They even score an 11th, but the goal is cancelled for offside and the referee immediately ends the match after that decision.
It's obviously the worst defeat in Feyenoord's history; the previous record was 8-2 vs Ajax.
The aftermath PSV supporters crowd together near the scoreboard, wanting to take a picture of the historical score. Feyenoord goalie Rob van Dijk always looked depressed, but now it really shows. Second reserve captain Luigi Bruins does his best to thank the travelling fans for coming, but the Rotterdam crowd are only cursing and gesturing wildly at him. He has never been particularly popular to begin with.
Every football fan who doesn't support Feyenoord joins in on the jokes: 010 (Rotterdam's area code for phone numbers) loses 10-0 in the 10th match of the season in the 10th month of 2010, after going down to 10 men. International media pick up on the story: how is this possible between two clubs that are among the biggest 3 clubs in the country in terms of supporters? 2010 was already a bad year for Feyenoord, with serious financial problems, and now this. Feyenoord's trainer Mario Been openly questions if he's still the right man for the job, but the board later reassures him that he won't be fired.
People also start pitying Feyenoord. Most of the players are young and naive, and people feel bad for how bad they just got hammered. The main target for pity is left winger Georginio Wijnaldum, who continued to attempt his dribbles past PSV's right back even when they're six or seven down.
4 days later, the club gets a financial boost: a group of Feyenoord-loving investors start a foundation called 'Vrienden van Feyenoord' (Friends of Feyenoord) and buy 49% of the shares. The leader of this group, Pim Blokland, also appeals to Feyenoord fans to help the club from going bankrupt. By donating €10, you can get a vote in the foundation.
A week after that dreadful October 24th, Feyenoord play a home game against VVV (summary here), usually not a very threatening opponent. The atmosphere in the stadium is strange: you might expect everyone to be cynical, and cynicism is a common thing at Feyenoord, but for the most part, people are supportive and wholesome. More than ever, players and fans get the feeling that they're in this together, and in the 12th minute, You Never Walk Alone is sung.
It's not a great match, and there are no goals in the first half. The second half starts with some good chances for Feyenoord and one goal being cancelled despite having crossed the goal line. In the 64th minute, Wijnaldum finally scores 1-0 by lobbing the keeper and the crowd's reaction after that goal feels like the most 'relieved' celebration I've ever experienced. Another collective sigh of relief is heard after Brazilian defender André Bahia heads in 2-0 and the win is secured. The game ends in 3-0 and Feyenoord has some of its dignity back.
Towards the end of the season, Feyenoord play PSV again, this time at home. Feyenoord are very motivated: besides revenge, they have a shot at reaching the play-off spots to qualify for European games, and they can damage PSV's chances of winning the league. All of this fueled them to beat PSV 3-1, somewhat helped by a questionable red card for PSV's Orlando Engelaar. Partly because of this loss, PSV finished 3rd, 4 points behind league champions Ajax.
Feyenoord end the 2010-11 season in 10th position (there's that number again), the lowest in 20 years. After that season, Mario Been leaves the club in July 2011, after some sort of coup. Apparently Feyenoord's players took a vote to determine if they still supported him, and 13 out of 18 players said they didn't.
The resurrection In the years that follow, Feyenoord get back up there. New trainer Ronald Koeman gets Feyenoord back to 2nd and 3rd place finishes, the massive debt is gradually lessened, and the fans love new strikers John Guidetti and later Graziano Pellè. Ask any Feyenoord fan about Guidetti or Pellè these days and I guarantee you they will start smiling immediately.
The 10-0 becomes more and more a thing of the past, and the resurrection is complete when Feyenoord start winning prizes again under Giovanni van Bronckhorst's guidance. Dirk Kuyt comes home to win a cup in one season (2015-16) and a league title in the next (2016-17), the first league title in 18 years. Robin van Persie also returns to win a cup and end his career in style. Feyenoord are finally back where they belong.
The players Here are some of the players that had a role in the 10-0 game, and what became of them afterwards.
Stefan de Vrij, central defender, 18/28 years old He started out as a right wing back in his early Feyenoord games, but later grew into the centre-back position. In those early years he could seem a bit naive for a defender, but I had a soft spot for him and eventually he became a solid mainstay. Moving to Italy worked wonders for his development as a defender, where he played well for Lazio Roma and Internazionale. When he returned to PSV's stadium in 2018 for a Champions League match with Inter, he admitted that he hadn't told his teammates about the 10-0 he suffered there: "Maybe a few of them know, but it's not something to brag about. It's one of the worst memories in my career. It hurts and thinking about it still does."[1] In 2020, De Vrij was named the best defender in the Serie A and he reached the final of the Europa League. Apart from a 2017 Supercoppa with Lazio Roma, he has not won any prizes and apart from the 2014 World Cup he hasn't made a true impact on the national team (with De Ligt and Van Dijk being the favoured defending duo), but has nevertheless grown into a very successful player.
[1]
Georginio Wijnaldum, left wingeattacking midfielder, 19/29 years old Also someone who could be considered a symbol for Feyenoord's naive youth. He left Feyenoord for PSV in July 2011 (and got some hate for that move), but he did donate a large sum of money to Vrienden van Feyenoord, as a way of thanking the youth academy. He stayed with PSV until 2015, before moving to England, relegating with Newcastle United but winning the Premier League and Champions League with Liverpool, while growing into a mainstay in the Dutch national team. Absolutely the most successful player to come out of this Feyenoord squad.
Leroy Fer, midfielder, 20/30 years old His injury sustained in the PSV match lasted some time and as a result he had a rough season. In the summer of 2011, he publicly announced that he was interested in leaving Feyenoord for FC Twente, who had consistently been finishing top 2 since the 2007-08 season. Just like Wijnaldum, he was harrassed for this move, with one person going as far as sending a mourning card with Fer's own name on it to his house. Fer left for Twente, where he played until 2013. He then moved to England and relegated with Norwich, QPR and Swansea. In 2019, he returned to Feyenoord, asking supporters to forgive him for the way he left all those years ago. He has been pretty strong on our midfield last season and has scored some important goals. He is perhaps best known on this sub for accidentally buying a horse at an auction before realizing that he had nowhere to keep it.[2]
[2]
Kelvin Leerdam, right back/defending midfielder, 20/30 years old Feyenoord would have lost with 11 men on the pitch too, but Kelvin Leerdam must have felt some guilt for his red card. Leerdam never quite made an impact as a right back at Feyenoord, and he was a lot better off as a midfielder once he left for Vitesse in 2013. As of 2017, he plays in the MLS for Seattle Sounders FC. From what I've heard, he has been pretty well utilized there.
Bruno Martins Indi, central defendeleft back, 18/28 years old After being subbed in to reinforce the defence, he scored an own goal and was easily mocked. He developed himself very well at Feyenoord in the years that followed, playing mostly as a left wing back and playing some national team games as well. In 2014, he got his dream move to FC Porto. Martins Indi was born in Portugal and speaks the language fluently. He had a spot in Porto's starting 11 for half a year before losing it and was later loaned to Stoke City. He transferred to Stoke in 2017 and has been playing Championship with them since 2018. Most recently, he returned to the Eredivisie when AZ loaned him this month. Martins Indi also became somewhat of a meme after making this face to Diego Costa during the 2014 World Cup.
Luc Castaignos, striker, 18/28 years old He had the unfortunate job of scoring goals for a team in awful form without their regular striker. Despite the terrible season, he was widely regarded as a huge future prospect, and in 2011, he moved to Internazionale. Being the fan that I was, I bought an Inter jersey with Castaignos and #30 on a sketchy knock-off website. He didn't give me much reason to wear the jersey proudly though, as he never broke through in Italy. He returned to the Netherlands to play for FC Twente in 2012, left for Eintracht Frankfurt in 2015, moved to Sporting CP in 2016, and was loaned to Vitesse in 2017. He has failed to make much of an impact in any of these endeavors. After 2019, he played for Gyeongnam FC in Korea, and is a free agent as of last month.
Jonathan Reis, striker, 21/31 years old PSV's Brazilian hattrick scorer has a tragic career path that I thought was interesting to include. He had already gotten into a conflict with the club back in 2009 over an injury that he could have prevented, but in January of 2010 he was fired after using cocaine and refusing the club's offer of treatment. He did accept this treatment later and was given a new one-year contract in July 2010. In September, he was caught driving under the influence. In October, he scored that hattrick, and in December, he suffered a serious knee injury. PSV had the chance to renew his contract, but did not want to take a risk on an injured player and Jonathan Reis was left a free agent in 2011. He joined Vitesse for two years, but got into conflicts with the club there as well. Reis returned to Brazil for a 10-day spell with EC Bahia, as well as playing for Tombense, Campolina and Brumadinho. He tried out for clubs in Kazakhstan and Tunisia, joined the Turkish Boluspor in 2015, two clubs in the Japanese second division, and shortly appeared in Indonesia in 2019, but his knee injury prevented him from playing. That is when he retired and became a youth trainer for Brumadinho.
Thanks for reading. I know this is poorly structured because I wrote this whenever I felt like it over the course of 2 years. But I hope you enjoyed reading this nevertheless.
If you have anything to add, like your personal memories of the match, or something I missed or something that needs to be corrected, please let me know.
Misc. sources used:
https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feyenoord_in_het_seizoen_2010/11#Selectiegegevens
https://www.ad.nl/nederlands-voetbal/de-10-0-van-psv-tegen-010-wat-zijn-je-herinneringen~a8ec525b/
https://www.fcupdate.nl/voetbaluitslagen/136008/eredivisie-psv-feyenoord/
https://nos.nl/artikel/193469-psv-vernedert-feyenoord-10-0.html
https://www.nu.nl/sport/2363008/psv-scoort-tien-keer-feyenoord.html
Edited some formatting. Guess I shouldn't have posted straight from a google doc on my phone and then left for work.
submitted by the_gerund to soccer [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 18:51 Bonzo82 Grim Reapers Bf-109K4 Tutorial Video Review (English Version)

EDIT : Wrong video link :O nobody ever paid attention to the date of the video. This is a review of an older 2018 tutorial, seems like we had a wrong link and din't pay attention. It still is a good video. Blame it on me, everybody knows I'm an idiot by now.

We remove the German version for now and have it updated by tomorrow.
Thanks to u/FinishMyViperffs! Translation and edits by u/Bonzo82 aka The Flying Clown. We LOVE to entertain you!




Citizens of this World,


The video explains the most important details of options and control setup within ten minutes, which is an excellent length for a tutorial video. It seems to be the first part of a series. It only shows menus and options, nothing about the actual aircraft.


Our female team members' first comment was about the pleasant voice and accent about the narrator. They even asked for a skype call. The lead editor has to admit that it is easy to understand. The educational dialogue between two members makes it entertaining to follow.


The first part of the video is one and a half minuts long. The narrator goes into all details of the special settings. Providing good advice on Take off assistant. We call it the noob killer option and share their opinion that it should be turned OFF. No idea how ED came up with that, it makes takeoff much harder. After that, he moves on to delivering good advice on trim and autorudder. Some of our editorial staff spent a lot of time in the K4 and we actually use exactly the same options.


Afterwards, starting at 1:30, the narrater moves on to a very detailed explanation of his control setup. This is a little to detailed and lngthy as we believe. But it is still a ten minute video. And everyone is free to fast forward[FIND SCIFI MEME! COMMUNITY HELP?]. Everyone has his own preferences and there are infinte numers of setups out there. On the other hand, it's entertaining to watch and is a good introduction how the control setup works.


Sincerely yours,


DCS Exposed.
submitted by Bonzo82 to DCSExposed [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 04:04 _Justin_x Old meme (from FTP group in FB circa 2018) but still essential up to this date.

Old meme (from FTP group in FB circa 2018) but still essential up to this date. submitted by _Justin_x to Philippines [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 21:21 DiabloGraves The Doki-Tuber List

Hey DDLC modders and mod fans. This is just a little thread I keep updated to track YouTubers who help the community by showcasing mods in their videos. I'll be aiming to update this list once a week, usually on Saturday or Sunday. A couple of notes before we get started:
Weeding Out Bad Potatoes: Unfortunately I can't watch every video myself. My apologies if you encounter someone behaving badly; let me know and I'll review the problem to see if they need to be removed from the list.
Checking For New Eyes: I try to add new channels when I find them, but if you know of a channel that's not on the list, feel free to suggest it in the comments below. Currently, the table lists channels with at least three different mods played or reviewed from the Mod List on this subreddit; if you know of a channel that's still working towards that goal, post a comment down below so I can keep an eye on them for future updates.
10-24-2020 Update: The big news this week is several new LPs started for the just-released demo for This Bond We Share! As well as doing a video for this demo, ThatChildGamer also covers his own new demo for Bundle of Sunshine! There are also new updates for some lesser-covered mods such as BronzeBrawn's LP of MC's Revenge and igoesRAWR covering SNAFU. Be sure to show them some love! The bolded listings under Most Recent let you know what's been updated in the past week.
10-24 Note: I'm adding the update for Ryonix Plays' LP of Gday Gday Aussie Club this week; I think I saw it last week, but I wasn't sure if it was going to be available on the subreddit. It's definitely in the modlist now so I marked it as a new update for this week. Things have been a little rocky lately, so updates are on Sundays sometimes, but I'm gonna try to get back to regular Saturday updates.
Reddit Name Channel Name Last Upload Most Recent
Let's Plays/Reviews
u/AfroZer0 AfroZer0 10-14-2020 Take Two, Blue Skies, Vigilante
??? AndEE 10-19-2020 Monika After Story, Blue Skies, Steamed Hams
u/ShadowBionics ArdrethShadow 10-23-2020 Scattered Stars, Monika After Story, After Midnight
u/batouttahell24 batouttahell24 10-19-2020 This Bond We Share, The True Reality, Focus On Me
u/BlackMasterStein BlackMasterStein (Spanish) 10-13-2020 Lost Memories, Outcast, Somnium
u/BronzeBrawn BronzeBrawn 10-22-2020 MC's Revenge, The Festival (Review), Outcast
??? Buttery Supertuber 04-20-2020 Meet the Buffsuki, Nightmare, Meme Club
u/Impressive_Evening Ceaser Madrazo 08-12-2020 Blue Skies, Monika After Story, Just Yuri
??? Connor Tan 4896 09-21-2020 Monika After Story, Fruits of the Literature Club, Abridged
??? DeeKayEl 04-18-2020 Relapse, Fallen Angel, The Festival
??? Drechenaux 10-21-2020 Blue Skies, Monika After Story, Switcheroo
u/FinnTDK Finn The Diamond Knight 09-24-2020 Blue Skies, Purist, Salvation
u/FlyKunai313 FlyKunai313 10-19-2020 This Bond We Share, Blue Skies, Monika After Story
u/igoesRAWRRRRR igoesRAWR 10-24-2020 My DDLC SNAFU, Interview Club, Outcast
u/IllyRose Illyriah Rose 10-18-2020 Somnium, Don't, Pink Eyes
u/SparkieSpark JSB 10-16-2020 Truth of the Literature Club, Memories of Nothing, Don't
u/Just_FD Just_FD 06-16-2020 Blue Skies, Outcast, Relapse
??? Kaju (Portuguese) 10-20-2020 Salvation, Spark of Hope, Second Chances
??? KaneMonger 10-22-2020 Fallen Angel, Encore, Salvation
??? Khairul Gdragon 10-07-2020 Monika After Story, Blue Skies, Purist
u/ValiantMidas MidBit 10-21-2020 True Reality, Storm, Blue Skies
u/mmarion13 mmarion13 07-24-2020 Fruits of the Literature Club, Rainclouds, Salvation
u/Nitorgenic Nitor 10-24-2020 New Friends, After School (Review), 48HR
u/orbers Orber 04-29-2020 A Father's Redemption, Rainclouds, Truth of the Literature Club
??? Phantom Reaper 07-04-2020 Relapse, Monika After Story, Sweet Dreams
u/Bakarainic px Bakarainic 04-30-2020 Spark of Hope, Fallen Angel
??? Raider0613 07-28-2020 Longer Roads, Fallen Angel, Outcast
??? Ronald McOnePunch 10-23-2020 Blue Skies, Window To Your Heart, Just Yuri
u/Jack-of-Bladez Ryonix Plays 10-15-2020 Gday Gday Aussie Club, Nightmare, Spark of Hope (Review)
??? SlasherPL 10-23-2020 Relapse, Libra Club, Steamed Hams
??? sonicdx17 10-21-2020 Relapse, Take Two, Storm
u/SpaghettoPasta Spaghetto 09-07-2020 Encore, Exit Music Redux, Sweet Dreams
u/ThatChildGamer ThatChildGamer 10-24-2020 Bundle of Sunshine, This Bond We Share, Encore
u/Tormuse Tormuse 10-08-2020 Storm, Vigilante, Fallen Angel
u/Unspoken122 Unspoken 06-26-2020 Blue Skies, Vigilante, After School
??? Vivace Nate 10-24-2020 Blue Skies, Fallen Angel, Salvation
??? Zalzar 10-15-2020 Blue Skies, Dokis & Dragons, Christmas Heist
u/zatask Zatask 06-26-2020 Fallen Angel, A Date With Monika, Encore
Archives (No Updates For 6 Months)
??? Bijuu Mike 11-23-2019 Just Yuri, Monika After Story, SayoriDate
??? CerealMaty 02-16-2020 The Good Ending, Love and Literature, We Are the Literature Club
??? DawwDuck 02-14-2020 Somnium (Review), Magical Literary Heroine Natsuki (Review), Normal VN (Review)
??? Divas En Salsa (Spanish) 11-29-2019 Outcast, Switcheroo, Your Bully: Natsuki
??? [RSP] GrenadeofTacos 12-03-2018 We are the Literature Club, Yandere Club
u/JMZEric JMG Eric 03-05-2020 Fruits of the Literature Club, Behind Closed Doors, Love and Literature
??? Kickass 10-13-2019 Fruits of the Literature Club, Relapse, College Club
u/KuuPosts Kuudere Ghost 12-07-2019 Somnium, Lost Ascension, Fruits of the Literature Club
u/_Mattyd MacDaddyMatty Mattyd 01-06-2020 Magical Literary Heroine Natsuki (Review), Outcast (Review), Monika Before Story (Review)
u/PVRS_Productions PVRS Literature Club 06-28-2019 Interview Club, Encore, The Musical
u/QuerxesBoiii Querxes 06-13-2019 Spark of Hope, Sweet Dreams, Your Bully: Natsuki
??? Sasu 12-14-2019 Amor Fati, Life Line, Rising Storm 2
??? teklolo 43210 07-29-2019 The Yuri Parable, Outcast, Nightmare
u/Deadly_Emerald The Deadly Emerald 08-31-2019 A Brand New Day, Salvation, Nightmare
u/HeartDeRoomate WooHooLaddd 01-26-2019 Lit Club Repainted, Monika After Story, Puzzled Memories
Happy Watching!
submitted by DiabloGraves to DDLCMods [link] [comments]


2020.10.17 20:10 NotoriousVIDA Never told this story publicly before!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdOSowP9x5Y
WARNING: This post is going to be long as hell. I apologize in advance!
Hello everyone! My name is Vida, pleasure to meet y'all. I've been a lurker in this subreddit for a short while since EDP's recent Dak video, and felt that I needed to tell a story about my interaction with Bryant from nearly two years ago. I WAS a fan of EDP for four years since the Top 200 Pornstars videos to be exact, and watching his videos over the years helped me during dark times of my life. When I needed a laugh or needed something to take me away from all the bullshit, he was one of the content creators I'd watch.

BACKSTORY
Despite being a Youtuber since 2013, I wanted to transition over to Twitch and become an Affiliate. One of the ideas I had in mind, along with replaying old games I've enjoyed, and going back to complete games I've NEVER played before or never finished (Ex: Final Fantasy VII and Ocarina Of Time) , was to host a podcast. It's not the most original idea in the world, but I wanted a venue to interview guests, have me and the audience get to know them, and discover how they got involved with content creation in the first place. I had a small following, but I needed to make a move that would bring a huge influx of viewers to the channel. So I was like, "Fuck it. I'll invite EDP onto the podcast as my first guest. It'd be a huge way to kick off the series." EDP just opened up his edp445.store Facebook page at the time, so he had a direct line to contact him... Before the idiotic, repetitive, and mundane Youtube live streams with supe-rchats flooding in from Tik Tok fuck bois.
WHAT HAPPENED
So I sent Bryant a message, explained to him what I wanted to do, and discovered with a response that EDP had somebody else operating his Facebook account. All fine and dandy! At first, they requested $50 for the interview, but after I linked them to my channel, EDP decided to charge me $20 for thirty minutes since I was a smaller channel. 30 minutes is fantastic for what I wanted to accomplish, and $20 made things incredibly easier. I gave him the money via Paypal. We arranged a date and time (December 18th, 2018 at 5PM EST. About one week in advance), and everything was set. I wanted to have some time to hype up the show, promote it, and draw as many people as possible into the live show on Twitch. Bryant's Facebook manager promoted the show on the Facebook page too, which also helped!
I was pumped, man! I told my pals and co-workers who watch EDP, and they couldn't believe it! On the day of the show, at 11AM, I sent Bryant and his Facebook manager a direct message. I gave a friendly reminder about the show today and requested for EDP's Skype name. I wanted us to briefly chat (Voice chat or text chat, didn't matter to me) before the live show began, and give him the details of what I wanted to discuss. So that way, he had an idea of what the format consisted of... However, I got no response.
4:50 PM arrives and I still haven't gotten a response from EDP. I started my Twitch stream at around 4:55 PM and people began flooding in. Around 8-10 people, which is a lot for somebody who is trying to branch out and transition into being a Twitch Affiliate. To note, I didn't pester or send rapid fire messages to EDP at this time, asking where he was. I wanted to remain professional and as cordial as possible.
5:00PM passes, then 5:10PM, and I explain to the viewers watching I haven't heard from EDP at all that day. I requested for his Skype info, didn't get anything back, and I was bummed out, man. I started playing Overwatch and the people who came in to see the EDP interview dipped.
Four hours later, I decide to send EDP a message, "Hey man. What happened to the interview today? Are you still in the area for the Rams/Eagles game from Sunday?" Prior to the interview, he made a video about POSSIBLY attending this game, which I had no problem with, I would've been open to moving the interview to a different date if that was the case.
Then I got a response from him thirty minutes later, "My bad dude I was having car troubles today. Are you away tomorrow at 9 your time 6 my time?" I have no idea if he was telling the truth or was lying, I wanted to remain optimistic and launch the show. So I got his Skype info, launched the show on December 19th, with only a max of 2 people showing up... Which, in my mind, I was scrambling in my head because for the final segment of the show, I wanted to have viewer questions asked on air... Questions that were serious, questions that were actually funny, and not like the dumb shit you see in EDP's Youtube live streams nowadays.
EDP, at one point, asked in the segment, "Does anybody watch this shit?" I remained professional, knew this was EDP playing a character, but I would have gotten the increase in viewership in the stream if we did the podcast on the date and time as advertised...
PRESENT DAY
So there you have it! I haven't done another episode of the podcast since. The whole ordeal soured my mood to podcast again. Maybe I should've had an influx of guests appear BEFORE trying to bring EDP on. It was the first time I've ever tried something like that, so there are some things I wish I could've done better on-air. With the allegations surrounding EDP, seeing him manifest from being a Eagles Youtuber to a shitty meme content creator, it's sad to see what he has become. He is following the same path as Dcigs and Darksydephil. He let the fame get to him, substantially inflated his ego, and is feverishly spending money rather than saving it despite how fast trends change on social media. With how big his Youtube channel is now, the spotlight is brighter than ever before on him. Not only that, the shit he says is largely magnetized now. One bad move, one video, one horrendous decision could change the complexion of his social media presence. Dcigs and Darksydephil are currently dealing with financial predicaments, had changes to their personality, and it's a shame to see EDP follow this same path...
However, I'd like to know what y'all think!
submitted by NotoriousVIDA to EDP445 [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 20:07 transfo47 How QAnon uses religion to lure unsuspecting Christians - CNN

https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/15/us/qanon-religion-churches/index.html
How QAnon uses religion to lure unsuspecting Christians
DANIEL BURKE OCTOBER 15, 2020
(CNN)Parker Neff was scrolling through conservative posts on Facebook when he saw an unfamiliar hashtag: #WWG1WGA. Recently retired after serving as a Southern Baptist pastor for more than 20 years, his time was free and curiosity piqued. "I started looking into it online," Neff said. "Doing some research." And with that, the 66-year-old retiree, and soon his wife, Sharon, fell down one of the internet's most dangerous rabbit holes. It didn't take long for Neff to find the hashtag's meaning. "Where We Go One We Go All" is one of several mottoes of QAnon, a collective of online conspiracists. The pastor and his wife, who live in Arcola, Mississippi, began watching the vast collection of QAnon videos posted online by "researchers" who decipher the cryptic messages of "Q," an anonymous online persona who claims to have access to classified military and intelligence operations. Since its inception in 2017 QAnon has quickly metastasized, infiltrating American politics, internet culture and now -- religion. A woman holds up a QAnon sign at a President Trump campaign rally on September 22, 2020, in Moon Township, Pennsylvania. According to QAnon, President Donald Trump is secretly working to stop a child sex cabal run by Hollywood and political elites who will one day be revealed during an apocalyptic event known as The Storm. During the pandemic, QAnon-related content has exploded online, growing nearly 175% on Facebook and nearly 63% on Twitter, according a British think tank. Although QAnon's conspiracy theories are baseless -- they allege that a famous actor is secret sex trafficker and a leading Democrat participated in Satanic rituals -- the dangers the movement poses are very real. The FBI has called QAnon a domestic terror threat and an internal FBI memo warned that "fringe conspiracy theories very likely motivate some domestic extremists, wholly or in part, to commit criminal and sometimes violent activity." Facebook finally pledged to ban QAnon content earlier this month. "Right now QAnon is still on the fringes of evangelicalism," said Ed Stetzer, an evangelical pastor and dean at Wheaton College in Illinois who wrote a recent column warning Christians about QAnon. "But we have a pretty big fringe. "Pastors need to be more aware of the danger and they need tools to address it," he told CNN. "People are being misled by social media." Some Christian pastors are actually leading their followers to QAnon, or at least introducing them to its dubious conspiracy theories.
During services in July, Rock Urban Church in Grandville, Michigan, played a discredited video that supports QAnon conspiracy theories. "The country is being torn apart by the biggest political hoax and coordinated mass media disinformation campaign in living history — you may know it as COVID-19," the video says. The church did not answer requests for comment and has removed the video from its YouTube channel.
Pastor John MacArthur of California, an influential evangelical who is battling county officials over the right to continue indoor services at his Grace Community Church, espoused a theme popular in QAnon circles when he misinterpreted CDC data and informed his congregation that "there is no pandemic." MacArthur declined CNN's request for comment.
There's even a movement, led by the Indiana-based Omega Kingdom Ministry, to merge QAnon and Christianity -- with texts from both the Bible and Q read at church services.
"If you are just learning about QAnon and The Great Awakening, this is the right spot for you," reads the ministry's website. Representatives from the ministry did not respond to multiple requests for comment. Paul Anleitner, an evangelical pastor in Minneapolis, said he's seen worrying examples of conservative Christians preaching from QAnon's bible: Pastors warning about the "Deep State," congregants trading conspiracy theories during Bible studies, and, most concerning to him, unsuspecting Christians lured to QAnon through respected church leaders. "I see this circulating through conservative and Charismatic churches and it breaks my heart," said Anleitner, who spent time in Pentecostal churches, where he says QAnon's influence is distressingly pervasive. "It's pulling families apart, pulling people away from the gospel and creating distrust among people searching for the truth." Earlier this year a young Christian friend of his recirculated QAnon ideas posted online by a national Christian leader, Anleitner said. (He declined to name the pastor on the record). "I reached out to my friend and told him the stuff he posted came directly from QAnon," said Anleitner. "He had no idea." QAnon is complex, said Brian Friedberg, a researcher at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government who has studied the movement. It churns out an almost endless stream of content, from memes to anti-Semitic tropes to Christian Scripture. From its anonymous message board, the dubious ideas circulate through social media, sometimes finding their way into the Twitter feed of Trump and his allies, who have repeatedly boosted QAnon accounts. In QAnon, some observers see a mass delusion, others see a political cult, and still others claim to see the sprouts of a new faith. According to the religious view of QAnon, Q is a postmodern prophet, "Q drops" (aka his messages) are sacred texts and Trump is a messianic figure who will conjure "The Storm," an apocalyptic revelation exposing evildoers. If QAnon is a new religion, it bears the birthmarks of our truth-deprived time: Born on an obscure internet image board, it spreads through social media, preaches a perverted form of populism and is amplified by a president who has demonstrated little regard for facts. But in Mississippi, the Neffs said they see QAnon as a source of "behind the scenes" information -- not as a religion. "It's kinda like checking Fox News or CNN," -- that is, a place to find the latest news, said Park Neff, who has a masters in divinity and a doctorate from New Orleans Baptist Seminary. "It just seemed to be good, solid conservative thought." Like her husband, Sharon Neff said she saw no contradictions between QAnon and Christianity. Instead, she saw important connections, as did many of her friends and fellow church members. "What resonated with me is the idea of moving toward a global government," she said, "and that actually goes along with the Christian belief about the End Times." It interprets world events through the lens of Scripture or Q posts. It's obsessed with a grand, apocalyptic Reckoning that will separate good from evil, deeply distrusts the media and finds an unlikely champion -- and hero -- in President Trump. Neff also said she likes that Q quotes Christian scripture extensively and claims to be exposing child trafficking, a problem that she said she and other Southern Baptist women have been fighting for years. That's no accident, say experts who have studied QAnon. The group intentionally uses emotionally fraught topics, like suffering children, to draw Christians to their movement. "That's a recruiting tactic," said Travis View, a host of "QAnon Anonymous," a podcast that seeks to explain the movement. "It's their red pill." (Travis View is a pseudonym he uses for safety. ) View compared it a religion that proselytizes by offering potential converts seemingly mundane services before laying the hard sell on them. "People who start with 'saving the children' don't stay there -- and that's the problem," he said. "It's like Alice in Wonderland. They follow the rabbit and enter a totally different framework for reality." Friedberg said he sees elements of his experience as a young evangelical in the QAnon movement: Its seamless blend of Christianity and nationalism, its promise of spiritual knowledge and the primacy of scripture, and, finally, the desire to evangelize to friends and family. "This is an information operation that has gotten out of the direct control of whoever started it," he said. It's an operation, he added, that likely would not exist in a less polarized, confusing and frightening time. Under somewhat similar strains, a group of 1840s Baptists called the Millerites predicted the Second Coming of Jesus. When Jesus didn't arrive, the Millerites were greatly disappointed, but they adjusted their apocalyptic timetables and soldiered on, eventually becoming the Seventh Day Adventist Church. Travis View said he sees echoes of the Millerites in QAnon. Numerous QAnon "prophecies" have proven false. Hillary Clinton was not arrested in 2017, Republicans didn't rout Democrats during the 2018 midterm elections and Trump has not imprisoned his political enemies at Guantanamo Bay. These days, Q shies away from giving specific dates, View noted, suggesting a shift in tactics. Even so, believers attempt to explain away any contradictions between QAnon and reality, just as the Millerites did centuries ago. "Some of it seems like deliberate misinformation to throw off the other side," Neff said, "as should be apparent to anyone who watches the news. Sometimes he (Q) does it to rattle their cages, sometimes to keep them guessing. It seems to work." Meanwhile, Neff, like many interested in QAnon, looks forward to the Great Awakening. The pastor said it won't be like the other Great Awakenings, the religious revivals that torched through early America. It will start when the prevailing evil in our government is finally revealed, he said, and end with Trump validated and all the bad people jailed on an island far, far away.

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2020.10.15 00:17 therealthrowshady Just because you're afraid to go outside doesn't mean you're happy being inside.

It’s so incredibly easy for everyone else. Just go out and meet new people, spend time with them, grow with them, and eventually it will turn into something more. It’s so easy to do this online as well, so that eventually they will meet up in person and start a true relationship. Why am I here, then? If I’m so utterly and truly undesirable, why should I even try? It’s pointless.
I’m 20 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. I’ve never gotten a kiss from a girl. I’ve never had sex. I’ve had one girl tell me that she loves me, but I know that’s not true (more details on that later). I feel like these things will never happen to me. Ever. It’s impossible.
Sounds like an exaggeration, right? It’s not. I was actually a little hopeful earlier this year. I was hanging out with friends a lot more, going out on the town and just having fun in general. I really really liked a friend of a friend (not the girl mentioned above), and felt that if I had just gotten more opportunities to spend time with them, and really tried, then who knows, something might have happened. But no. Sometimes I didn’t have the opportunity because I was spending all week at a shitty new job, and barely had a chance to talk to her. Then COVID happened, I got the boot, and I’m spending all of my time at home because none of my friends want to talk to me.
Even when I get so close, it gets taken away from me for no fucking reason. I know the easy solution would be to just try and message her, but the last time I did that I got no response. Not to mention that was so long ago that if I tried to message her now she would just think I’m creepy and weird. I don’t think she even cares about me anymore.
So that’s a complete bust. Now onto the other girl that I mentioned. This one actually goes back to around 2018, when we met in school. I’ll try to keep this story short by making it into a little sequence of events: We met, and talked. She liked me, and would write some notes telling me to work on my confidence and slide them over to me during class. I was thrown off because I didn’t think it was possible for someone to have feelings for me (hint: it’s not. I was just stupid).
Later on in the year when I saw that we were going to be in a few classes together, I was really happy. Then she met my friend, flirted with him, and they started dating.
I wanted to kill myself.
I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t say anything about it until one day when she noticed I was off. I was jealous of him, and I admitted that, but when I talked about it with her we decided to just stay friends for the time being. More and more time went on and I had the overwhelming urge to just fucking ask her out, but I couldn’t because I knew she would say no. Then, around December, she told me she was moving out of town. Now I really wanted to kill myself.
We had one talk before she left where I pretty much laid everything out and said how horrifically crushed I would be if she were to move and then immediately find a boyfriend, because I had just been dealing with these feelings for so long that having that happen would really push it. She promised me that even though she was moving we would still talk and "get there."
Guess what happened. No, really, I’ll leave it to you. Guess what fucking happened. She moved and got a boyfriend about a week or two later. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I felt like I was worthless trash. I was so useless and replaceable that there was no point for me to even carry on existing. Oh, and when I tried to talk about it with her? Blocked. That’s the answer to everything now. Just a simple block.
The middle section isn’t really worth going over. I spent a lot of time alone, just going about my own business while slowly dying inside more and more every day. Around March of this year, she added me on SnapChat. We talked and came over an understanding that neither of us wanted to be out of each other’s lives. Things went incredibly well. We were talking more than ever, getting more personal, and even sending wholesome memes to express our love.
She got another boyfriend and blocked me. I wanted to kill myself. Then that boyfriend got her pregnant. So not only were they bound to stay together, but I really wanted to chop my own head off.
Things have happened since. She miscarried, and has called me to get some support. I noticed too that the boyfriend isn’t around anymore, and that she wiped him off her social media.
I’m not going to do anything. As much as I want to, it wouldn’t be right at this moment and I’m pretty sure it’s just going to blow up in my face again. I’m fucking sick at this point. I really want to be with her. More than anything. And I can’t no matter what I do or say or try. A few weeks ago, she called me saying that she was coming near my town for a visit and that we should meet up. I was so overwhelmed and happy, but of course, because I cannot have anything good happen to me in this world, nothing came of it.
I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. Tinder sucks. Other dating apps suck. Meeting someone in person is completely useless and pointless because I’ll automatically be seen as a rapist or pedophile. I’m going to be completely alone for the rest of my life, and there’s nothing I can do about it. If you don’t believe me, then you haven’t been paying close enough attention to this story.
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2020.10.14 09:00 VesuviusBlotch The 10-Step Guide to Enjoying the next Skulduggery Pleasant book (6,000 subscriber special)

Hello. It’s a trifle startling to check my last post and realise it was nearly a full month ago but I just had to post something to celebrate my favourite sub (and the only one I’m active on-you’re welcome) on its latest milestone of 6,000 subscribers. Again, it’s startling to think I joined less than two years ago when it was less than half that number. We’ve really ballooned. Now, despite university being reasonably taxing, I’ve actually got more free days than working ones, so here’s a quick post I wrote last night in a lasagne-filled stupor. It’s dumb and not everyone can relate, but here’s my personal Ten Step guide on how to enjoy Skulduggery Pleasant Book 14: Breaking Through (yes, I know, shut up). Let’s begin:
1: Tear apart the Title announcement. Now that we have a release date and page number cemented, the next big thing to get hyped for is the title announcement. I personally predict it’ll come out around NovembeDecember time but whatever it is, I cannot wait to analyse it to death and perhaps better still, watch the swarms of fan descend upon it and criticise it. (Seriously, remember when people were condemning Phase 2 for its one-word titles and somehow that automatically made Derek ‘lazy’? Just look at Hitchcock and you’ll see that one-word titles, if anything, are superb because they reveal little spoilers and just enough to indicate what a central focus or theme is in the story.)
2: Go nuts over the Cover reveal. Assuming this doesn’t release simultaneously with Step #1 which is not impossible, the cover is next on the agenda. Although my theory that the amount of characters on each Phase 2 book cover would grow by one was dashed with SOW, I am very much exhilarated imagining the goodies on Book 14. Skulduggery and Valkyrie are a given- Crepuscular is a must unless he’s being saved for Book 15 (there needs to be more art of this guy- where are the DeviantArt pros at?!) At this point, I’d be satisfied with bearded, scarred Vex or Temper (especially if it was Gist Temper, that’d be sweet). I feel like Omen (assuming he lives that long) should be saved for Book 15, since he is a major Phase 2 player and the last art of him being a badass young sorcerer in his Seventh Year? Killing ittttt. Last but not least, there’s the colour scheme. If the date announcement was any indication, we’re getting a fierce inferno shade for 14 which is similar to my own prediction (a goldish one, although I proudly reminisce how I nailed SOW’s green) but ultimately, I just hope the story behind the cover is as fiery and explosive as its exterior.
3: Apocalypse Kings’ The Thing. Now, a grain of truth. The title and cover art are something I can theorise on as can all of you, but Apocalypse Kings is just a marvellous mystery for me. I know from talk it’s set during Phase 1, which is always a treat, but the story? The characters? What the hell the title is referring to? Search. Me. I personally am torn between wanting it to wrap up the dimensional ghost storyline from Theatre Of Shadows and wanting it to be on something completely original because that already got covered in a spinoff. If the white-skinned dude gets sorted, I kind of want it to happen in the main series (after all, Bubba Moon’s allegiance was confirmed in Resurrection which was a major drool-worthy moment). All that aside, Apocalypse Kings is the top priority here. The sooner we get it, the sooner we can obsess about that and forget all about the fact that Book 14 is only a month ago. And admittedly, the sooner we’ll remember it exists and start prancing around in exuberance anyway, goddammit.
4: Shut up and read. I can’t remember if my dad asked me this or somebody on the sub did (apologies if it was, but you might not be memorable) but the question was: do I enjoy reading a new book for the first or the second time? That’s a harder question than Skulduggery vs Valkyrie for me (character-wise, not power-wise, he’d smoke her ass) but there’s something so delicious about the first time. Devouring a new story, so engulfed with all its pinnacles and flaws, it’s impossible for me these days to open a Skulduggery Pleasant book and shut it halfway through to read the rest tomorrow. It could be a bonus 700 pager, and I’d still need, *need* to finish it that day. This was a crutch reading Midnight at well, midnight, but I saved SOW until the morning after I received it in the mail and that was rewarded with a 10/10 experience. Rest assured, I will do the same with 14. Now, confession time. When I got Bedlam and SOW, I did peek to a bit later on in the book. What I saw ended up being Razzia’s name and her discussing a Darkly boy (turns out, she was roasting Omen in her POV. Love that girl) and for the latter, it was ‘Vengeous’s head’. I was that close to spoiling Vengeous’ fate for myself. Lucky that at the time, I misread it as Vengeous’ beard but that taught me a lesson and Book 14 will be getting no sneak peeks. None. Never. Patience is its own reward. Besides, my dad learned that the hard way when he skipped to Midnight’s ending when he bought it for me and glanced at Crepuscular’s name. I was incensed.
5: Read it again. Fairly obvious at this point. Reading the book a second time (or four more times in my case) is always a treat not just because the fight scenes that you 9/10 skimmed have some pleasurable details hidden, but now you know the outcomes and fates, the tension building up towards it all is engaging as the first time. It feels more like relishing a full meal rather than just gobbling it all up. Yet both taste equally as exquisite. For me, re-reading also helps with my memorising the events and chapter names/numbers/POVs/all that baloney. Trust me, I don’t set out to do it but when you memorise the other thirteen books, you might as well memorise the fourteenth. It’s just logical. One exercise I’ve recently undertaken is practicing the voices for the characters as I read through dialogue but so it isn’t boring in future, I just read description in my head unless the description is just so juicy I can’t resist (that was an enormous problem with Resurrection, let me assure you). Ultimately, this and Step #4 are unquestionably the steps any fan worth their salt will follow. And if by some travesty, you don’t intend to…well, you might as well whittle that sub count back to 5,999 right damn now.
6: Create your chapter names. Now, I’ll keep this one short because A) it speaks for itself and B) I’ve already posted my self-made chapter names for Phase 2, the novellas and Book 9’s ‘Nameless Ones’ so you probably get the gist by now (insert Gist joke). However, I will say that creating and assigning my own chapter names for Phase 2 is one of the most enjoyable, yet challenging and creative tasks I’ve ever found myself doing. It’s perfect for someone like me obsessed with chapter names (seriously, I’ve done them for Dragon Age, Neverwinter Nights, whole Excel docs devoted to these) and my favourite book series. I can’t believe it took me until 20-fucking-18 to start the creative ball rolling. Of course, getting feedback on them from you lot is the highlight of it all. Although I do recommend not actually writing them down in your book copies. We’re not savages (and if you have, kudos, but maybe a chill pill). I do recommend my previous chapter name posts and if you want any links, just comment below and I’ll be more than happy to reply. Hell, if you want to create your own chapter names and share your ideas, that’d be wizard.
7: Music be the food of love. This might be even more obscure than the above. Truthfully, I’m not as invested in becoming the master auteur and director for all Skulduggery Pleasant films and media that I was a year or so ago, but my passion for being in charge of the musical side of the adaptations (animated, television or otherwise) has not waned. I’m still enamoured with song ideas for each and every SP story and still have songs saved up for the occasion. I’m not so hot on sharing the links to my old posts on them because once Book 15 comes out, I’ll do a grand summary post anyway, but feel free to check them out on my profile and let me know any of your own ideas (it’s common to think about character themes, but this is a potential adaptation we’re talking about, not the dark side of YouTube).
8: Write a monster review. Writing up my vast reviews last year was a real passion for me and as my last review of Book 13 proved, they’re still pretty popular (seriously, wow, that thing had like 96 votes last time I checked and not a single bozo threw a tl;dr at me, you guys/gals are the best) but it’s almost saddening to think there’s only two more I can possibly do in future. Each review gets longer than the previous and I swear, I need about ten Strongbows to get in the right mindset (both to unleash the ecstatic, unreserved side but also to numb the pain of my fingers after all that typing), but it’s worth it every time. Next to that passion, memes are superfluous. Yeah. I said it. Oh, and just to follow on, this step includes all the discussion posts that inevitably follow a book release. I believe the hottest topics after Bedlam and SOW’s releases were “If Valkyrie is a Faceless One, how did she touch the black crystal though?” and “Wow, that finale was rushed” respectively. I have seen both of these way too many times so if you honest-to-God want my opinion on it, crawl into a bush and perish.
9: Read To Dad. Now, we arrive at my favourite step. Yes, I adore SP to my inner core (TMI? Eh.) but as soon as I finish reading, my next stage isn’t to mull on what the next book will hold, it’s what dear old Papa will think of it. Seriously, I’d love to re-read Phase 1 to Dad, because back in the early 2010s, my voice was pitiful compared to the glorious bass it is now and considering I’ve got university and *shudder* life pressing in and I’m already mapping out the last two SP books and Harry Potter to read to him, it seems unlikely to happen (good thing I re-read The Maleficent Seven, several Armageddon Outta Heres and Books 8 and 9 in 2018 to prep him for Phase 2, cos damn those were some sweet memories). But Dad loves Phase 2. He genuinely does. Does he like every character? No. Does he agree with every plotline direction? No, but that’s what I love about reading to him, it’s not just a fun time where I do character voices and we have a good laugh (Skulduggery, Saracen, Fletcher, Wreath and the Scapey gang are the greatest culprits for that, by the by) he’s fully invested in the story and his reactions are just precious. Treasured. I’m not rubbing it in, because not everyone on this sub has this opportunity, but the sheer love and joy that I feel when experiencing the story all over again and sharing the experience with someone else is truly special and unique and honestly hope that everybody reading this gets the chance to experience the same feeling in their lives.
10: Lather, rinse, repeat. Once I’ve read the beloved tome to the beloved father, there’s only one course left. No, not the Q & A post. They’re good but not worthy of their own paragraph (no offence, askers or Dad, if you’ve sprouted a Reddit account and reading this). No, the tenth and final step is to start building up Hype for the Next One. See, it’s in capitals and everything. Mostly for me, it’s just commenting complex theories on random posts, but I like to think we all band together as a community and construct a deep-seated enterprise of hype all to prepare for the next book and repeat the cycle. Won’t lie, my heart did a little flip-flop when I realised that the period between Book 14 and 15 will be the last time we can fully experience this list again. After Book 15, what will be building towards? I’ll tell you. Memories. A thousand beautiful, bittersweet memories of the time we all came together and bonded over this book series. Then, we shall all split apart, make our own way in life and get on with it all. But just saying, the Harry Potter books ended in 2007 and their subreddit might be even more active than ours. So don’t lost hope. And just for the record, if I die accidentally of Covid or just in a car crash before the last book rocks our world…thank you, all and good luck in whatever endeavours you pursue after Skulduggery Pleasant finally ends. I, personally, will make some more Excel lists, maybe start posting on a new sub and taking it over step by gradual step, might start writing my own anthology of stories set in SP-verse and upload them on fanfiction sites so there'll be more stories to relish out there, and then inner peace if I’m lucky. Time will tell.
Once again, big thanks to anyone who actually read this dross, it was definitely the result of too much orange juice and an overworked mind, but seriously, hope you enjoyed this little insight into the grey mire that is my mind and if you do actually have any chapter name ideas or song ideas for an SP adaptation, shoot, I’m willing to listen, to admire and judge silently while giving vague praise. Here’s to the next 6,000 subscribers and the absolute brain-fuck they’ll receive when they realise: we are the best subreddit in existence.
submitted by VesuviusBlotch to skulduggerypleasant [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 14:46 throwawayNZdating Dating with Asperger's 25m, unsure what to do

Hi everyone. Sorry about the length and formatting of this post I’m a bit drunk, rambling and on mobile.
Preface: I was diagnosed with mild Asperger’s at 14 and really struggle to convey/deal with my emotions. I also grew up in a house where we were encouraged to suppress our feelings. This obviously makes dating quite hard. I never really know the right time to say or do anything when it comes to “actual dating”. Other than drunken hookups and I guess “casual sex” relationships – anything meaningful I really struggle with.
I (25m) met Danielle (25f) through a mutual friend in November 2018. By 2019 we started hanging out one-on-one often. Seeing her more than once or twice a week I realised I liked her far more than as a friend. It got to the stage where I guess you could say we were hanging out in “date settings” – formal dinners, going to parties together, bushwalks etc. Our friends started questioning what was going on between us, “just officially date already” etc.
I often talk to my close friends to confirm others emotions/body language. General consensus was that Danielle is into me and that I needed to make the next step. “Bro she wouldn’t be spending this much time with you if she didn’t like you.” Most of them agreed she probably thinks I’m not into her – i.e. I’m not showing/communicating effectively (they know about and understand my Asperger’s).
After losing my Grandma in April 2019 I had a breakdown and told Danielle about my Asperger’s, how I’d been wanting to tell her how I feel and how I want to be more than friends. Less than ideal way to do it but she was so accepting of me and told me my Asperger’s wasn’t an issue. She said she’s glad I finally said something, and we joked about how I was sending her mixed signals. We agreed that there’s a spark and we’re definitely more than friends. We decided we’d go on an actual “legitimate” date.
Fast forward a couple of days. I got offered a brief job in the US. I had to leave NZ in July. We decided we wouldn’t push our relationship and just be friends while I was overseas. We pretty much stopped talking except for a few memes. A month or so after moving to the US, I learnt she had started seeing an ex (Archie) again.
Returning to NZ in January, we randomly ran into each other at a pub. Even I could tell how happy she was to see me. I was honestly elated. After quite a few drinks we talk about our love lives. She mentions that she heard I was hooking up with someone. She’s still with Archie, and says although they’re probably not working out she respects their relationship too much to talk about us. She notes that it's like nothing (but Archie etc.) has has changed at all between us. We agree to be friends and have only spoken at friend events.
Two weeks ago I learnt her and Archie broke up. This whole saga probably is probably trivial to most but I actually don’t know what to do. I’m just so lost about the whole situation. One friend says to just leave it the boat has sailed, one says to give her more time to rebound/get over Archie, one says if it was going to happen it should’ve by now, another says to just text her and ask her out. I’m just so fucking lost. Yesterday I felt like it was never going to be the right time for anything to happen between us and get over it. Today I know I really want something with her but don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to approach it after we’ve been “just friends” for so long.
Reddit please help.
submitted by throwawayNZdating to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 03:48 JoppyJ A first dance song for a couple who has struggled? (Sorry it is long-winded)

Hi! I am a Milspouse. My husband and I have a unique story, and the struggle is so real trying to settle on a song for our first dance song. We chose "You Are The Reason" by Callum Scott for my to walk to and "I Wouldn't Have Nothing" from Monster's Inc. for the processional. We cannot find just the right song for the first dance. I was hoping by telling our story that someone out there would hear it and would have the perfect answer. We are not entirely opposed to Christian music.
(PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIM TO GET THE IDEA OF OUR STORY)
I talk too much, so I know this a lot.
I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. I spent six years with him. I was diagnosed at 19 with Endometriosis, a disease that wreaks havoc on a woman's body. The most common problems are painful periods, painful intercourse, depression, and cramping, but the list goes on. I had hundreds of appointments, multiple surgeries, and appointments, all of which he never attended. I experienced much manipulation with this man. I always got a "you never feel good, the least you can do is let me take care of myself," if you get where I am going with that. I paid for every bill, every meal, every grocery, and this man never took me on a date on this own dollar. I have had to file for bankruptcy due to the amount a credit card debt and loans I was left with. All because I felt no one would love me because of the endometriosis. Due to a tragedy in his family, I was able to find my chance of "If I do not cut it now, I never will." I began collecting my thoughts, crying over my chicken fajitas, a Chili's with my parents. I called him and told him he needed to stay out of state with his family because they needed him, and I did not want him to come back. I packed his stuff and told him to get it. I experienced guilt because of the family tragedy, but I cried for one hour, and that was it. Obviously, dating was the furthest thing from my mind because of my illness. I also just wanted to focus on school and actually having a social life. In December 2018, at 23, I had a partial hysterectomy with no children leaving one ovary (which I will likely be having removed soon). By the end of January 2019, I was like a whole new person socially. I was able to enjoy life and had confidence in myself. I started online dating. I told myself I never would, but I am a bit of a goofy person, and the places I went to did not make it easy for me to meet someone, especially that would not be a conflict of interest. I actually received the first message from anyone on a dating app I still have to this day, and it was the most baffling and hilarious thing I ever read. I saw a lot of adult babies, couples seeking a third, and just downright jokes. I set up a couple of dates and would get ghosted; I was stood up and left at the restaurant (that was depressing). I eventually just stopped trying. I started swiping only on Sundays and then would talk to the matches through the week to see who lasted. One of my best guy friends bet me on messaging every single match first, and it'll work eventually, which I was not opposed to, but normally I only sent an emoji as a first message; he wanted words, haha. He also told me to swipe on all and delete the uglies, which I hated that, but I would delete the rude people or did not communicate (looks aren't all that mattered to me.)
On Sunday, April 7th, I was drunk swiping while catching up on This Is Us. I get a match. The match breaks a lot of the rules I set for myself. No one under the age of 22. No one in the military (I am a Navy brat, was not trying to sign up for that life again, especially Marines, because the Marine Navy giving each other beef). No one out of state (long distance is fun for no one). No one with memes on their profile. His picture was him in uniform in front of the helicopters he works on, 21, a meme of Dr. Phil (which was actually pretty funny), and he was 109 miles from where I was; there was no doubt that was out of state. Part of his bio said he was a really nice guy. Therefore my noble award-winning first message to him was, "so are you actually a nice guy" with a tongue-out emoji. We chatted non-stop from that moment on. On Wednesday night, we decided to video chat, and he noticed a photo from the day of my hysterectomy on Instagram; he asked why I had surgery. Unfortunately., most guys I explained it to were like, "Oh cool, so you can get pregnant if I raw dog you," but this was the first time I got the response he gave me. It looked as if he was going to cry, and he was telling me how he knew how much it hurt a woman not to be able to have children but provided so much reassurance like "I am sure there's a reason" and "It will all work out for you to be a mom." I kid you not; this is the moment I knew he was the one. Two days later, that Friday, as I was house sitting, he tells me he was being made to get out of his barracks room (which I figured was bs, but I went with it). I texted the person I was house-sitting for, and she told me just no parties, haha. I swear my heart sank to my butt. He asked for coordinates, so since he works on helicopters, I decided to be a smartypants and send him the actual ones, haha. Once, he was on his way for his 3-hour drive (crazy, right!?) We spent the whole weekend together, and it was like I knew him my whole life from the moment he walked in the door. He met my parents that Saturday (HE MET MY PARENTS THE SECOND DAY). They presented him with his own crayons (which if you know anything about Marine jokes, you will get it). I was terrified because of my ex; I never thought my parents would be happy with anyone ever. Now he is the son my dad never had, and sometimes I think my mom loves him more than she loves me. After meeting my parents, we went to my apartment, which was just a detachment from my parents' house. (TMI, but relevant) We ended up doing what adults do (wink wink, nudge nudge). He was the third person I had ever been with and the first since my ex-fiance. I had no idea what I was going to experience because of the hysterectomy. It was embarrassing on so many levels, but I do not think he could have approached it any more perfectly. I basically experienced a flashback, panic attack, and almost had like PTSD induced pain. I had sooooo much pressure on my stomach. I got up, walked to the toilet, and just sat there and cried. Instead of him being like wtf, he brought me a bottle of water, warm washcloth, and sat on the edge of the tub, comforting me until I was calm enough to ask where to find everything else. He left on Monday morning at 4 to drive three hours and then have a 24-hour duty! That's insane, right!? When I tell you I blubbered when I was telling him bye, I am not joking. I had a million feelings, but the biggest fear of him ghosting me once he got home. The day he did formally ask me to be his girlfriend. From that point on, he came to see me every weekend. The next weekend, he spent Friday night with me, but when with his family Saturday night for Easter, he kept messaging me about how much he wanted to be with me. You could tell how relieved he was the second he got back to my apartment to spend the rest of his long weekend with me (It's relevant, don't worry).
Every single weekend, he was there. My parents told me over and over how much our relationship resembled theirs. My friends were quick to open arms to him (which again was not expected). My co-workers quickly began taking bets on marriage. We took our first vacation for July 4th. He took leave, so with the long weekend, he spent a total of two weeks with me. The separation anxiety we both experienced after this was crazy. By the end of July, I had decided to start looking for a job near him. We would rent an apartment (which didn't force me to stay if it did not work out). My family has always been firm on learning to live together before you get married, which is so true! I was able to get a job very quickly, paying exactly what I needed. We found the most amazing apartment, and when I explained my bankruptcy, the company waived the security deposit. Everything was falling into place. I had family close by, which allowed me to start work a bit earlier to build up some savings, or so I thought. I arrived to work on Wednesday of my second week, and I am approached by a gentleman telling me I need to go to the conference room. I find out that the entire department is dissolved! A choice by corporate, or I would have never been hired. I can not describe the panic. With my severance paperwork, I was given an Indeed posting for a job that was the dream entry-level position for me. I had not had a chance to put my bachelor's degree to work. I got the job! On my third day, I had to decide to evacuate due to the incoming hurricane. We decided to go to my parent's house three hours away. The day after the storms passed where my parents live (when it was hitting where we evacuated from), he decided to ride his motorcycle to where his family lives, which he did almost every weekend anyway, so this was not a rare thing. He drove to a gym nearby but had to leave because it was closed. On his way back, a young girl in her car pulled out in front of him while driving 60 miles per hour. She explained that she was trying to get out quickly, so she did not have to ride behind him. You ever get a phone call, and you have a gut feeling before you answer it that it is going to be bad? That is what I experienced when his mom called and said he was in an accident. My mom rushed me to the hospital with my dad following behind; we made a 45-minute drive in times that we should get a trophy for. Once we parked, I called his mom, and I could hear him screaming in the background (I can still hear it to this day). I told her I was there, and she told me where they were, and once I started asking questions, she said I need to be with my son and hung up on me. So obviously, I ran as anyone would. I had no clue what injuries he had; I did not know what happened; I was absolutely clueless. I did not know if that was going to be the end; I had no idea. However, he went into the OR before I could see him. There was a lot of tension because it is a divorced family coming together because of a tragedy. The biggest damage was a compound fracture in his femur, broken wrist, a hairline fracture in his neck, debris that completely shredded the front of his neck, TBI, and depleted his blood volume 1 1/2 times in the first 24 hours. I was by his side from day one. The only time I left the hospital was to shower until he had a room with a shower or to run to the store. He only asked for his dad, which in my brain makes complete sense for a 21-year-old man and me. Unfortunately, this is where things get interesting. This was not acceptable to his mother or her mother.
A couple of examples: A couple of days after his accident, he kept asking for my dad (no one knows why), but my dad made the drive to be there as soon as he could to be there. My dad and I were on either side of the bed, and his mom was in the back of the room. He kept pointing at her and doing the "shew" hand like one would a fly. I asked if he wanted us to leave, and he shook his head no and pointed at her again and shewed again. I asked, do you want her to leave, and he shook yes, then I said do you want dad to leave? He shook no, and then I asked do you want me to leave, and he shook no. This was followed by a statement from her of "Could you not say that I am his mother, and I have a right to be here if I want to be here." She goes out of the room to talk to her friends sitting on a bench right outside the door and says, "She best stop mothering my child." Little did she know my mom was a few seats down.
He was throwing up, I had to hold the vomit bag for him, and I just rubbed his head to comfort him. She and one of her nurse friends begin to tell me that I need to make him hold the bag himself, or he will rely on me to do everything for him forever, and they have seen people way worse off hold the bag themselves. He had a plastic neck brace tight against his chin but was open at the throat area for all the exposed torn up skin to breath. The initial injury caused blurred vision (obviously, he hit a car at 60 miles per hour). He could not get the bag wedged between his chin and brace fast enough; therefore, it all went into those open scars... So you're telling me just let him get an infection? Absolutely not.
At one point, his grandmother showed up to see him and asked me to leave the room; I said, absolutely no problem; that is your right. A nurse goes in and has her step out. I ask if she would like my seat because it was the only one and this woman verbally attacks me in ways I have never experienced. She accuses me of isolating him from his family (even though he has expressed to everyone his wishes), tells me I should be holding his phone and wallet (even though he gave them to me because he said he did not trust anyone else with it). Then when the nurse comes back out, she rushes in and closes and blocks me out. All of my stuff was in that room; I was in my PJ's and Socks. The only thing I had on me was my phone in a city I was unfamiliar with.
We decided to get legally married last December because he wanted to wait until he fully relearned to walk to have a ceremony. His grandmother texted him, stating he might as well have shot his mother. (We did not have anyone with us, no one knew, not my parents, not his dad, and stepmom, so this was crazy to us)
I'll spare you the other cringy stories, but clearly, his mother's side completely flipped on me. Until the hospital, they treated me as if I was already their daughter in law. It was like a flip of a switch. Honestly, you could make a movie just about that. When it came time for him to leave the rehabilitation facility, he decided he was more comfortable being at my apartment because it was much larger for his wheelchair. He had more privacy by going to my apartment versus his mother's home. He had a chance to be independent. His mother tried to make the caseworker at the facility force him to go to her home. THAT IS NUTS, RIGHT?!?
The first time he decided to make a long drive, we went to get all of his stuff from his barracks room. On our way home, we passed a woman running over a gentleman on his motorcycle. He saw every second of it and slammed on his brakes, and I ran to help, although there was not much I could do. I remember him explaining how things happened at his accident, so I went over those steps out loud, and everyone worked together with that. I started collecting his wallet contents and lost it once I picked up something that indicated he had kids/grandkids. I just kept giving positive words out loud because I could only imagine the last thing you hear is people being frantic, so I just kept saying it is okay everyone is taking care of you. I kept seeing flashes of my husband lying in front of me. I refused to walk away until I knew what hospital he was going to. Then, the moment when everyone dropped their heads. I felt so attached to this man I had never met. I knew I had to find a way to give his family answers I knew they were not going to get from law enforcement. I found his daughter on Facebook; we are still friends on there to this day.
In February 2020, we were able to move back to base finally. Then COVID, but we have made the best of it. In June, we booked our wedding with Carnival Cruise Lines out of Charleston, SC. Early two weeks ago, we were told the president gave the cruise industry the thumbs up to reopen. It was a sigh of relief... The next morning we wake up to find that the Carnival CEO elected to cancel through 2021. In two weeks, we went from a ceremony of 25 people and a dinner in place of reception in Charleston with a honeymoon cruise following to a whole new city, a ceremony, and reception with 75+ people, a well known FoodNetwork restaurant for catering, a photographer who used to shoot for Disney, Open bar, Limo, Penthouse, and we are visiting family in Orlando for Christmas for a few days, and this will be a "make up" honeymoon at Disney until we can have our big honeymoon.
We are an incredibly goofy couple, but we are also the perfect example of having your spouse as your best friend. We always say that we were put into each other's lives because we needed each other.
I am so sorry this is so long-winded, but you deserve an award or something if you made it this far. I hope you can help!!
submitted by JoppyJ to weddingplanning [link] [comments]


2020.10.10 22:27 ThrowAwayAccount-351 The time I became the scapegoat for a hurricane

So this incident was the beginning of my narc family on my paternal side realizing I wasn’t going to take any of their shit. And consequently deciding to make me miserable ever since. This was in October 2018, 2 years ago to the date, so let’s take a trip down memory lane. The story’s a little long but I can guarantee you’ll be entertained.
I (21F) was coming up on a transitional part of my life. I was 18, just left the employment of my aunt and I was seeking out my own independence. I decided to reward myself with a really cheap but peaceful vacation to Destin, Florida for 5 nights. I’d planned to be on the beach pretty much the whole time. I wouldn’t be spending much if any money on food or activities.
My family, both maternal and parental sides, have a very misogynistic mindset when it comes to women and what they are capable of. No one wanted to me to go on this trip. I heard all sorts of reasons why it would be too dangerous to go alone and I should be taking someone with me.
They hounded me about it until the last minute and I got roped in to bringing my JN brother (24M) along. For some background, JNbro has never had a job or a driver’s license. He‘s as dependent on my grandmother as an overgrown elementary schooler. The only things he does for himself is bathe and feed himself. I mean that literally.
I’d budgeted out only $400 to spend total on this mini vacation for myself, I’d already done grocery shopping and booked the hotel. There was no way I’d cancel this trip. But I did let everyone convince me to bring my brother. I’d went along with their suggestion enough to ask if he wanted to go. He and I weren’t close so I assumed he’d say no like every other time I’d tried to spend time with him and form more of a bond. But he said yes, which I was later informed by him was because he “thought it’d be stupid to turn down a free vacation.”
So my grandmother pulls $300 cash out of her ass (metaphorically) and gives it to him once I agree to take him and he packs a bag and hops in the car, and we go. He legitimately got pushed onto me 20 minutes before I left. I was expected to pay for everything except any food or souvenirs he wanted to get, and he would help with half of the gas. I knew bringing him along might add a little more to my shoulders but I actually got a little bit hopeful about the idea of spending quality time with my older brother. Maybe it’d be the opportunity we needed to get closer. I was so wrong about that it’s laughable.
I made the 8 and 1/2 hour drive overnight instead of trying to travel during the day while traffic would be heavy. My brother slept most of the way. I made only one stop for gas and snacks. It was my first time driving for such a long distance and time frame but I did it like it was nothing, I was so excited to see the ocean. It was a rare thing for me and it’d only be the third time in my life I’d gotten to experience it.
When we got there I was exhausted from the drive but we stopped at the beach immediately and I watched the sunrise. It was breathtaking. We then drove to the hotel but our check in wouldn’t be until 3 that afternoon, so I decided to take a nap in the car. It didn’t bother me one bit to wait, I loved the ocean feel in the air. I spent most of the wait outside in my car.
But of course my brother began to complain about having to wait in the cool air conditioned lobby. I reminded him that this was my vacation he decided to participate in last minute, and I couldn’t just alter all of the plans I’d already made. There was nothing I could do about the check in time. In my mind waiting was a small price to pay compared to the idea of driving through heavy traffic during the day just to check in during the afternoon.
When it was time to pay for the room and check in, the clerk informed me I couldn’t pay cash. No big deal, I had just enough money on my card to cover the cost and I’d get some more money deposited into my account the next day. In the meantime that left me with what cash I had on me for the night but that wouldn’t be a big deal. I texted my brother to let him know he could bring his stuff up to the room but we’d have to wait until tomorrow to do anything costly because all I had was my cash.
For some reason this really stressed him out, as if he didn’t have $300 cash in his own wallet. Neither of us were short on money. But I didn’t want him to assume I’d take him to blow his money right away, I didn’t plan on spending anymore until more money was on my card. Just in case. And since I was practically his chauffeur it was my call.
So he’s suddenly getting anxious and berating me for being “irresponsible with my money plans for the trip.” I pretty much ignored him and asked him to help me unpack the groceries from the car. He said no, and I said “Well I guess you’ll be buying your dinner tonight, because if you can’t help unpack the food then you can’t eat it.” He bitched some more but helped me like I asked.
I spent the rest of the afternoon eating dinner and relaxing by the pool. We’d both gotten settled into each of our beds by 9pm. I said goodnight and crashed really hard since it was an exhausting day and I’d only had about 3 hours of sleep in my car waiting to check in.
At about 11pm my brother starts yelling at me and wakes me up. I’m kinda pissed, “What’s your deal?” and he tells me our grandmother just called and a hurricane was forming off the coast and it would hit us in about 24 hours.
He’s panicking. I just ask, “Okay? What do you want me to do about that right now?” He starts going on a tirade about how we have to pack and leave immediately. He calls me crazy for not acting scared and being calm. I tell him that I physically can’t leave. I haven’t had any rest and I won’t be able to make the drive home if I don’t get some sleep. I tell him staying calm is the best thing to do because panicking will make this situation worse.
I realize that I hadn’t refueled when we got to the hotel and he realizes it too at the same time. He almost has a full blown panic attack and he’s convinced himself we’re going to die in this hurricane.
I’m admittedly a little unsettled with the whole situation and I get on the phone with my grandmother, who isn’t making the situation any better and is the main source of the panic my brother is going through. I reassure both of them that we’ll be fine and drive back first thing in the morning. My brother storms out of the hotel room. I just leave him alone because I can’t handle his emotions and handle the situation at the same time.
Then I get on the phone with my JNdad and he tells me that I need to go out and get gas ASAP. The evacuation was already starting and many of the stations would probably be drained dry. I get in my car and spend the next 2 hours driving around Destin looking for gas. Many other people were out there in the same position I was. There were lines of parked cars at a couple places. Most places were completely empty of fuel. I got lucky and found a station that’d just been refilled.
At 1am my gas tank was full and I headed back to the hotel. I called our dad and let him know not to worry, I’d get some rest and we’d evacuate in the morning.
When I got back to the hotel room my brother still wasn’t there. I knew he had to be in the hotel somewhere. Instead of worrying about it I locked our room up and went to bed, knowing he had a key and when he calmed down he’d come back.
So at 3am I get woken up by my brother walking into our hotel room and going to the bathroom. I’m irritated but I roll over and try to go back to sleep.
And that’s when I hear footsteps walking towards me. I open my eyes and there’s a complete stranger leaning over my bed, within arms reach, staring right at me.
I’m literally stunned into silence. I didn’t even have time to react. My brother walked out of the bathroom and then back out of our hotel room, and the random stranger followed him out.
I jump up and lock the door. And it hits me that there is no way way I’m going back to sleep. I’m livid and terrified. The only thing going through my head is “what the fuck?”
My brother returned to our room not long after that, talking loud and saying goodbye to the random ass stranger who followed him into our room earlier.
He’s stumbling around, goes into the bathroom and starts violently puking. I check on him and I’m like “What the hell is wrong with you?” and that’s when he informs me he bought two 30 case packs of beer from the gas station across the street and shared them with two homeless men.
He drank one of them by himself. He was puking up blood and pretty soon he started shitting himself at the same time. He’s making a mess all over himself and all over the bathroom. And of course I’m fucking disgusted.
I called my dad and grandmother and let them know what’s going on, and I ended up calling EMS. I was pretty certain he had alcohol poisoning because of the blood he was throwing up. The EMS workers helped clean him up a little and made him drink some water, and I tried to get him to agree to go with them to the hospital. He refused to. He kept the water down and didn’t throw up more blood. After they left he passed out in the bathtub.
I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn’t. I was so pissed off and fed up with my brother.
At 6am I woke him up and told him he had 20 minutes to get packed up and in the car. I was already almost done packing.
First thing, I went to the front desk and got my money refunded for the nights I wouldn’t use the hotel room. I’d called my grandmother and told her I booked my brother a Greyhound back to our home city from Nashville, TN because I’d be finishing my vacation there.
No one was very happy with me for not coming home with my brother. But I outright refused to let my vacation turn to shit any more than it already had. I was determined to finish the rest of my vacation on my own terms. My JN grandmother and my JN dad kept insisting that it was my responsibility to drive my brother all the way home and after that I could drive back to Nashville and finish my vacation if that’s what I wanted. I said bullshit, that would add 6 total hours of driving costs and time to my trip. 2 hours from Nash to home, 2 hours back to Nash and then another 2 hours of driving when my vacation actually ended. There was no way I’d be going that far out of my way for my brother after the stunt he’d just pulled. He could use the money he didn’t blow on his alcoholic escapade last night to get himself home. He deserved some natural consequences.
When we left the hotel room I tipped our maid $20 out of my own pocket and apologized profusely for the mess my brother made in the bathroom. Honestly not even a $20 tip would have made me feel better about having to be the one to clean up all the shit and vomit. But it took a little bit of weight off my chest about the whole thing.
And so I drove up to Montgomery, Alabama from Destin in some hella thick evacuation traffic before I had to stop and take a one hour nap in a McDonald’s parking lot because I was too tired to keep driving. Which brought me up to having a grand total of 8 hours of interrupted sleep since the start of the trip. My brother was passed out in the back seat most of the ride back.
Once we got to the Greyhound bus station in Nashville I stuck around and made sure my brother got on safely. Then I drove to my AirBNB and the vacation part of my vacation actually started.
My AirBNB had a really nice jacuzzi tub, full kitchen with snacks already stocked in it. My host was close to my age and managing the place for her parents, she treated me to a home cooked dinner that we ate together the second night of my stay. I went out for a early morning yoga class in a moss garden, and then the next day I had a picnic in front of the Parthenon. On the last day of my vacation I hiked Cummings Falls with my AirBNB host and another friend of hers came along too. It was amazing and the beginning of the trip was completely off my mind by the time I got home.
But of course the narrative had changed about what happened while my brother and I were in Florida. There was no responsibility on him for anything that happened.
The new story was “OP invited her brother on a vacation to Florida, didn’t check the weather properly, drove them straight into a hurricane and then made him catch a bus home.” And that’s how my narc family made me the scapegoat to Hurricane Micheal.
And in typical middle child fashion my response was to share a That 70s Show meme with the caption “Well damn it Jackie, I can’t control the weather!”
submitted by ThrowAwayAccount-351 to JUSTNOFAMILY [link] [comments]


2020.10.10 19:46 taciturn0624 I [21F] had a fling with this guy [21M] 2 years ago, stopped talking and now I suddenly want to confess

So uh, I'm sorry if this is gonna be long. Please bear with me.
Back in 2018, I met this guy, Mike through a dating app. I only got into online dating as a way to escape reality since i just got out of a bad relationship and worse, I lost my cousin who I'm closest to. It was a depressing time for me. Back to the story, Mike was my first match. He and his family moved down under when he was a kid but they spent summer here in Manila so we went out on dates.
I enjoyed being with Mike; he's fun and a little bit shy which matches my personality. We had a lot in common so we had a lot to talk about. Eventually, they had to go back home but it didn't stop there. We texted and FaceTimed a lot so it was all gucci. His parents and friends even know me. (We also found out that her aunt was a colleague of my aunt so we really had a connection there, insignificant but awesome)
Mike liked me, more than a friend. Honestly, I liked him too but I wasn't ready that time since I just got out of a bad relationship and I wasn't in the proper state to handle a relationship, let alone a long-distance one. I don't like to think of him as a rebound. It was sort of a right person wrong timing kinda thing. But anywho, one day we fought about something and it went on for days until we just stopped talking. That's it. I don't even remember who sent the last text but that was it (although we were still following each other on social media.)
A year went by, I got boyfriend, Rob. I posted a picture of Rob on my IG. That's when I noticed that Mike unfollowed/blocked me on everything. I didn't really mind that time. So after a few months, Rob and I broke up, turns out he was a manipulative jerk. That relationship was so traumatizing I never wanted to date again.
Flash forward to today, after a year. One night, I listened to this song that we both love, he used to sing it to me at night. I suddenly thought of Mike and our time together. It's an explicable feeling but emotions and those memories just came rushing to me. I can't stop thinking about him. About what could've happened if I was ready that time. I find myself smiling when I think of him. It's like having a huge crush on somebody. I think I might be in love with Mike. It's hella weird. Idk omg I'm literally confused. I miss FaceTiming with him til 3am, sending him memes and selfies.. I miss being friends with him.
So here's where I need your advice, how do I confess my feelings for him? (bc I really want to let this out) OR do I even need to confess? Should I just move on and forget about the past? I need help. I just wanna sleep right and have a clear mind for once.. Appreciate your thoughts.
Tl;dr: I met a guy online years ago, had a great time dating but wasn't ready for a relationship. Got into a fight, stopped talking. 2 years later, i suddenly remember about our happy memories together and realize that I still have feelings for the guy.
submitted by taciturn0624 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.09 14:49 Vullein070 Subreddit Statistics

Recently, I posted a few comments showing subreddit statistics in a thread that was talking about the immense growth of the subreddit. I am very into numbers and I noticed that we have a decent amount of cunts in the subreddit who are curious about stuff like this too, so I've decided to make a post featuring some of these statistics:
Date Reached Subscriber Milestone Days From Previous Milestone
2020-10-06 200,000 14
2020-09-22 150,000 21
2020-09-01 100,000 53
2020-07-10 90,000 200
2019-12-23 80,000 54
2019-10-30 75,000 30
2019-09-30 70,000 25
2019-09-05 60,000 11
2019-08-25 50,000 8
2019-08-17 40,000 5
2019-08-12 30,000 3
2019-08-09 25,000 4
2019-08-05 20,000 3
2019-08-02 15,000 2
2019-07-31 10,000 1
2019-07-30 9,000 0
2019-07-30 8,000 0
2019-07-30 7,500 1
2019-07-29 7,000 0
2019-07-29 6,000 0
2019-07-29 5,000 1
2019-07-28 4,000 0
2019-07-28 3,000 1
2019-07-27 2,500 0
2019-07-27 2,000 1
2019-07-26 1,000 28
2019-06-28 750 57
2019-05-02 500 160
2018-11-23 250 182
2018-05-25 100 24
2018-05-01 50 138
2017-12-14 25 71
2017-10-04 20 413
2016-08-17 10 1743
2011-11-09 Created ---

--------------------------------------------------------

Below I've posted some subreddit statistics from specific months that the subreddit has been active. These stats are from the months July & August of 2019, and September & October of 2020.

July 2019 Statistics

Submissions Activity
Most Active Days:
Average submissions per day: 45 submissions.
Comments Activity
Most Active Days:
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submitted by Vullein070 to TheBoys [link] [comments]


2020.10.05 05:38 GoneRampant1 [Video Games] The reboot that got rebooted: The rise and fall of DmC: Devil May Cry

Let's cut through the pre-amble:
What is Devil May Cry?
Devil May Cry is an action series developed and published by Japanese company Capcom, beginning with Devil May Cry 1 in 2001 for the Playstation 2 (Here's an advert showing it as part of Sony's holiday lineup that included landmark gaming titles such as Final Fantasy X, Grand Theft Auto 3, Metal Gear Solid 2 and... Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance). The game series began as a prototype build for Resident Evil 4 that had more of an overt action focus than the acclaimed horror franchise was known for. Rather than scrap the build, Capcom saw potential in the idea of a stylish action game, and gave director Hideki Kamiya permission to make it a full title.
Kamiya would involuntarily leave the series after DMC 1 as Capcom didn't ask him to work on DMC 2. Instead, a still-to-this-day unknown phantom director was put in charge of the game and he ran it into the ground. With less than half a year before DMC 2's 2003 release, Capcom brought in a new director to course-correct and get the game out for release: Hideaki Itsuno. In less than six months, Itsuno would rally the team, basically make the entire game, and create several features that would go on to become series staples, and while DMC 2 sold well, it was critically panned for being a very boring game. Itsuno, not wanting his reputation to be sullied, came back in 2005 with Devil May Cry 3, generally considered one of the greatest action games of all time. From here several core traits are instilled: chief among which being style meters that track the player's skill with combos and Dante having a style system that lets him use different movesets.
And it's in 2008 with the release of Devil May Cry 4, marking the series going multiplatform for the first time as it came out on the PS3 and Xbox 360, that this story really begins:
The build up to 2010
With DMC 4's release in 2008, Capcom set the sales expectation that the game would sell 1.8 million units by the end of the fiscal year. DMC 4 would sell two million units in under a month, but Capcom were a bit unimpressed. They were hoping that now that DMC was on a wider range of platforms that the sales would correspondingly go up, but instead the game just saw a modest increase over DMC 3. The cost of game development had also shot up in the new console generation, making Capcom more concerned about DMC4's sales just being fine, especially coming off of huge sales juggarnauts from 2007 such as Halo 3, Call of Duty Modern Warfare and Bioshock. (It doesn't help that DMC 4 had a very rushed development leading to the now infamous case of Dante's playable chapters just being Nero's but backwards)
Japan at the time was also in a weird place when it came to gaming. The mobile phone gaming market was about to take off, and the playerbase in Japan was already smaller than the worldwide market for obvious reasons. In the home regions, it was safer to look into handheld gaming, and while Capcom had dallied with the idea of a DMC game on the Playstation Portable (at one point considering a remake of the first game that reached in-game screenshots and box art that was quietly shelved for unknown reasons, alongside a prequel focusing on Dante's father Sparda), these ideas never left the ground. Seeing how Western markets were more traditionally concerned with console gaming at this time (and the success of the God of War franchise proved Action was a genre people wanted), Capcom's idea was simple:
Give their IPs to Western studios and let them take a crack at it, with the idea being their knowledge of what the West wants would let the games sell better. The results were mixed. The Bionic Commando reboot is nowadays more known for the twist of YOUR WIFE IS THE ROBOT ARM and only sold 27,000 units in a month, but Dead Rising did fairly well under a Capcom Vancouver branch until Dead Rising 4 happened and uh... kinda killed the series because it was awful.
Capcom eventually set their sights on giving the West a crack at DMC, leading to them eyeballing several studios. This worked out well for them in that Itsuno was also burnt out. After having spent five straight years on DMC and having redeemed its image after DMC 2, Itsuno was ready to take a break and make his dream game: Dragon's Dogma, a dark fantasy game that is very fun. It got a Netflix anime adaptation recently that is... not as fun. But while Itsuno was making Dragon's Dogma, Capcom had some time to spitball handing the series off. They eventually settled on Ninja Theory, an up and coming British team best known for Heavenly Sword (a very pretty game with mediocre action combat and a priority on storytelling), and Enslaved: Odyssey to the West (a modernisation of Journey to the West that was very pretty but priotizied story over gameplay). Rumors began to circulate in early 2010 that Ninja Theory had acquired the license and would be making a prequel focusing on Dante's early days, but it would only become clear at Tokyo Games Show that year when DmC: Devil May Cry* was formally announced.
And the fanbase collectively hated it.
(* Yes that does technically mean this reboot's name is Devil may Cry: Devil May Cry. I'm going to call it DmC from here to differentiate it from the core series)
The TGS Trailer
For those unaware of DMC, I should stress that by 2010, it had a reputation for a certain flair and theatics. Dante was known to be a goofball in cutscenes, taunting enemy demons and making a mockery of them. He has an entire cutscene in DMC 4 where he acts like he's on the stage of a theatre with how grandious he is. People liked Dante for this reason, he was a breath of fresh air in a time when most protagonists were stotic, gritty jerks who only talked in curse words and gravelly shouts. And his flowing white hair was also certainly iconic.
So here comes the new take on Dante, the West giving him a go and oh... hoo boy. There's no charisma, there's no panache. The trailer has no gameplay. Dante doesn't look like a trash talker, he looks like a meth addict. He's smoking, something the DMC 1 design documents said Dante would never do as (per Kamiya) smoking is uncool. His hair isn't even white!
Now let me be clear: I am not opposed to a new take on Dante. Certainly, the idea presented in the reveal trailer that Dante is imaging the demons he fights as an acute case of psychosis is an interesting idea, as it raises the question of whether or not the demons are real or if he's senselessly killing random people. But the execution would have had to be perfect, and opening with just a fancy trailer that had no signs of gameplay for an action franchise was not the right foot to start on.
What doesn't help was that the entire Western Capcom initiative was one pushed by a very controversial figure in gaming called Keiji Inafune, who would leave Capcom right after DmC's announcement in 2010. Inafune was the one most strongly advocating for the western development approach (Something Capcom were quick to stress in 2010 after his departure), but with his departure the movement had less steam. Inafune would go on to make Mighty Number 9, a Kickstarter that went miserably wrong on every turn and is usually seen as one of the most disappointing games of the 2010s.
I should also point out here: Dante's radically different design from the norm of the series was a mandate imposed by Capcom. Ninja Theory's original concept art for Dante was much more closer to his traditional design- white hair, red coat and all. But Capcom, and Itsuno especially, were adament that if Ninja Theory were going to be doing something new with the franchise, that they needed to go off the cuff- in Capcom's own words, "Go crazy."
The development
So Dante got a new color palette, a darker jacket and black hair. But at the time (this news only came out two years after the redesign was revealed), people didn't know about Capcom explicitly telling NT to go off the rails, and what they saw... was Ninja Theory going off the rails in the wrong way.
So from the word go, fans aren't happy. Fans are usually never happy but I mean they were unhappy. Chief Creative director for Ninja Theory Tameen Antionades said after the reveal: “The vitriol was immediate, aggressive and relentless for the next two years. Without a second of gameplay being shown, it had been written off as a disaster in the making.” Tameen would become the ball and chain around DmC's marketing, which is quite apparent in how Ninja Theory would dial back on his appearances as we get closer to the game's release. The backlash to the launch clearly surprised Ninja Theory and caught them off guard, with Tameen publically lashing out at the original fanbase for writing the game off or being unhappy at Dante's visual redesign. This would go on to dominiate the discussions about DmC for its pre-release cycle, as it became less about the game and more about the community and whether or not the response was justified (alongside in typical internet fashion, a few death threats being tossed around which apparently included a full metal song). No matter which side of it you lean on though, Tameen had habit of putting his foot in his mouth in regards to PR:
Capcom likely stepped in behind the scenes and encourged a few changes. Notably, Dante's design underwent a few shifts, including making him more muscular and rewriting portions of the game to give him a few more of Old!Dante's trademark quips. A few voice actor was also cast, named Tim Phillips... though NT wouldn't budge on the haircut as it was part of the story. The Dante psychosis/prisoner angle from the TGS trailer was also completely scrapped from the final product, having Dante instead be confirmed to be sane and fighting demons, not people. Even though Capcom had encouraged NT to go off the rails... money still reigns supreme and Capcom wanted to turn a profit. So closer to release, Capcom made a point of stressing that Itsuno and several other DMC veteran staff were supervising the combat system and offering guidance. Combat designer Rahni Tucker spoke positively of the exchanges she had with Itsuno:
While Capcom Japan kept a close eye on Ninja Theory’s work on DmC’s characters, story and world, its greatest focus was, naturally, on the game’s combat. Itsuno and other key personnel would visit the studio in Cambridge every few months to check in on its progress, Ninja Theory staff would often make the trip out to Japan, and in between those times there would be regular video conferences and daily email updates. All that communication helped to unify the two companies, despite a fundamental split between their approaches to game development: Ninja Theory liked to start with the visual design, and Capcom with the mechanics. Modestly, Itsuno admits he learned a lot from the collaboration; Tucker believes she picked up an awful lot more. “I learnt so much,” she says. “Itsuno would speak philosophically about how he approaches combat and enemy design. They build most of the player’s set of actions first, and then think about the things they can build to allow players to exploit particular elements of the system they’ve designed. They really put the emphasis of the baddie design back onto the player’s actions. It’s kind of obvious, but just the way that he spoke about it was inspiring, and it made a lot of sense to me.”
The damage however, was long done. Even with the post-TGS revisions, DmC was facing an uphill battle from the community, with a minority waiting to give it a try themselves before casting judgement, but the majority either being apathetic or downright hostile to the game, not helped by Tameen's attitude creating the idea that Ninja Theory inherently hated what made Devil May Cry good (again, keep in mind most players wouldn't learn that Capcom were pushing for the radical Dante changes until years post-release). Ultimately though, Capcom themselves are to blame for the choices that impacted DmC: Ninja Theory were only doing their jobs to the best of their abilities and for the most part many of the staff clearly loved getting to work on such a popular franchise and boosting their studio's name. It came down an unfortunate blend of Capcom misreading what people wanted from future projects, an attempt to appeal to a Western market that fell on its face, and a director unprepared for the mass backlash his product got.
Either way, the game finally came out in early 2013.
The game itself
Eh, it was OK.
DmC launched in March 2013 and got decent reviews on all platforms, getting a consistent 8/10 on all platforms on Metacritic. The PC port was especially praised for its sheer variety of features including an uncapped framerate. Critics quite liked it, praising the story and art direction, feeling it was a necessary step for the series to make the games somewhat easier to let newcomers in without facing as daunting a challenge as the games could be (I'm pretty sure learning how to fly a plane is easier than mastering Dante in Devil May Cry 4). Old Dante's most famous voice actor, Reuben Langdon, spoke on a podcast about the game and admitted that while he wasn't fond of the new Dante's characterisation, he applauded Ninja Theory's craftsmenship.
The fanbase were colder, even with the pre-release biases set aside (this wasn't helped by Platinum, helmed by several ex-DMC 1 developers including Kamiya, releasing Metal Gear Rising Revengeance also in 2013. Metal Gear Rising is a very good game that involves flipping giant robots and fighting a very actractive Brazillian man with a gun-sheath sword). The game's framerate on consoles was capped at 30FPS for technical reasons when all prior games ran at 60FPS. Dante had lost a lot of his mechanical complexity (including DMC 3 and 4's style system which offered Dante special abilities he could switch between such as more sword and gun combos, blocking and dodging) in favour of a more universal moveset. The Devil Trigger super mode was pretty lame and automatically knocked all enemies into the air, which people didn't like as it made most encounters too easy. Building up style was too easy and the game had no systems to stop you spamming the same combos over and over. The game's weapon system of angel/demon themed weapons included color-coded enemies that forced you to use the right gear or you'd be punished. There was no Turbo Mode, a feature in most games that automatically boosted the game's speed by 20% on average.
Ninja Theory still made a good action game, albeit one that needed a bit more refinement to reach its true potential. But the lack of several core features (or worse, poorly implemented iterations of said features) led to the fanbase adopting a term:
"It's a good game, but it's not a good Devil May Cry."
The fanbase were willing to concede to the good aspects of the game- especially in audiovisual aspects. Enemies now got a subtitle during their first appearance, weapons getting a slight glint when the player pauses to let them know they can launch a pause combo attack, the soundtrack was now dynamic and evolved up the higher your style rank got, alongside the killing blow at the end of a fight getting a cinematic camera angle. Ninja Theory's sense of style itself was something that impressed the Capcom team, as all of these aspects were modified and adopted into the mainline games come 2019. The game was also very beautiful in places, leaving the Gothic archetecture of the main games for a more European feel in Limbo City. Madrid in Spain and Genoa in Italy are clear influences on the archetecture, and the design team adapt them well in making Limbo a city that is itself a weapon trying to kill Dante through compressing alleyways, closing off paths or mocking him through writing on the walls, Splinter Cell Conviction style. Combichrist and Noisia's collaberations for the soundtrack were also praised between their licensed work and new music composed just for the game, especially the songs Never Surrender and Throat Full of Glass.
But for all the praise, reluctant or otherwise, that game got mechanically, the story that the critics had acclaimed as mature and a right step forward had few supporters among the playerbase. There's been a lot written and said about DmC's story so I'll cap off the highlights here:
The end was an OK game let down by a bad story. The tale of many a game. And unfortunately, partly thanks to the game just not being good enough for the DMC pedigree, DmC underperformed. Capcom initally hoped for 2 million units to be sold like DMC 4, but later quietly lowered their projections down to 1.2 million. Some rumors speculate that Capcom had to artifically boost the game's sale numbers by counting anyone who downloaded the game when it was for free as part of Playstation Plus in January 2014 (games that go on PS+ or Microsofft's Xbox Live Games with Gold service are usually games that are either selling so well they can take the hit, are past their lifespan and looking to reignite the playerbase, or did very badly and this is a last ditch effort to get interest into the game). While not speaking directly about DmC, Capcom spoke frankly in a financial report regarding their Western outsourcing, attributing the lack of success to a "delayed response to the expanding digital contents market," "insufficient coordination between the marketing and the game development divisions in overseas markets," and a "decline in quality due to excessive outsourcing". The long and the short of it was: DmC flopped commerically, failing to meet the sales of DMC 4 in the West (which remember was Capcom's entire reason for the reboot) when it was released on the exact same platforms, and the consoles had a larger install base due to five years having passed. For what it's worth, Itsuno himself support the game and approved of Ninja Theory's efforts, even saying he'd have been honored to work on a DmC Devil May Cry 2 had Capcom gone with that project.
Some post-launch support would follow, including DLC costumes based on concept art for Dante and several alt skins based on his DMC 1 and 3 appearances, Bloody Palace (basically a time trial gauntlet run) and a campaign focusing on Vergil that sets up a sequel hook which never gets followed up on.
Some Ninja Theory staffers didn't take the news well, especially as they knew that their reputation was going to take a large hit after DmC. Art director Alessandro Taini gave a GDC talk where he went on a weird rant involving editing DMC 4 Dante into stills from... Brokeback Mountain and Batman and Robin, while also saying reboot Dante was based on... Tyler Durden from Fight Club (for those who don't know Fight Club, you're not meant to agree with Tyler or find him a role model). Keep in mind that this is Taini basically shit-talking character designs he had no hand in making. In a hilaripus twist of irony, Dante would later in the series get a cowboy hat as a weapon. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Capcom up to this point had been going back and forth on what DmC even was- was it a prequel, a reboot, an alternate universe? They seemed to change the answer every month. But after the game's failure to meet expectations commercially, they quietly settled on it being based on an alternate universe, as was confirmed in of all things, Donte appearing as a DLC alt skin for Dante in Marvel vs Capcom Infinite.
(While I'm on the topic of weird fighting game trivia, Donte actually also got a full fighting game appearance in the "classic," Playstation All Stars Battle Royale as an attempt to market DmC ahead of its release. Yes, Donte technically didn't even debut in his own game. This story is so weird to me! In the trailer he even fights the protagonist of previous Ninja Theory game Heavenly Sword)
In 2015, Capcom re-released the game for the new consoles as DmC: Devil May Cry: Definitive Edition. This was largely helmed by the Capcom team in Japan who modified the game to make it more in line with DMC's series standards of gameplay. And you know what? It's really good! Genuinely, it actually makes the game and takes it from "A good attempt" to "one of the best Western attempts at action games period." 60FPS on consoles, all DLC included, Turbo Mode was back, a new mode called Must Style where you have to get an S Rank in combos before your attacks do damage, all alongside an insanely detailed changelog penned by Rahni Tucker. The one downside? It never got released on PC for unsaid reasons, presumably that most of the new gameplay additions... were based on mods made by the PC fanbase. Mods you can no longer find as the site storing them has gone down.
However even with this, DmC would get sand in its eye one more time. In the same year, Capcom released a similar re-release of DMC 4 called Special Edition. It was far more bare bones than DmC: DE, only adding three new playable characters in Lady, Trish and MOTIVATION Man himself, Vergil. Despite the game only getting a physical release in Japan and being digital only here in the West (whereas DmC: DE got a full release), Capcom eventually said that DMC 4 SE obliterated the DE in sales, with Capcom specifically saying that 4SE's digital sales led to a better quarter in 2015 than they were anticipating. As of 2020 (due to Capcom counting their re-releases of games separately than the original release when it comes to sales), we know that DMC4SE has sold 1.5 million units, while DmC: DE sold 1.1 million.
However, ultimately, I'm very joyful to admit that everyone got a happy ending! No, literally, everyone came out of this for the better. Ninja Theory in 2017 would release Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice, a critical and commerical darling made on a self-styled "AA" budget that was praised for its handling of mental health through the lens of its MC Senua. It made its budget back easily, they're now owned by Microsoft and they're currently working on a sequel called Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. Capcom would bounce back from their slump in the Early 2010s, beginning in 2017 with the releases of Resident Evil 7, Monster Hunter World and a certain title I'll mention in a minute. They've been releasing hit after hit for the last four years and they have more on the horizon. And Itsuno, now having made Dragon's Dogma, came back raring to go with more Devil May Cry. Though there are some rumors by Dante's voice actor that he had to threaten to leave Capcom to get it, at E3 2018 as part of the Microsoft panel, Itsuno took to the stage and announced:
"DMC IS BACK!!!"
(Watching people react to this trailer and freaking out when they see it's DMC gives me so much serotonin)
Thanks for reading this... long disaster of a post. Have a good one, and remember to keep this party crazy. Let's rock. :)
Additional reading if you'd like more words on this reboot:
submitted by GoneRampant1 to HobbyDrama [link] [comments]


2020.10.03 19:16 throw-awaken the ones i deleted.

i haven’t read through these since i talked to you last. i thought about editing them, but then they wouldn’t be real. and the only reason i would do it is to protect you. but why in the world would i try to protect you when you won’t do the same? when the only reason i’m posting these is for me, not for you? i protected your band this time, but that’s for them and not for you. it’s time you leave my notes app for good. —
thank you for not texting me
when you were ten miles away
because there’s a small chance
i would have caved,
at least in the moment
before my heart
remembered it’s strength
healing takes time and pain, i just want to
fast forward
because no matter the range
of my pain
my anger, my disgust
a fraction of my broken heart still
longs for you
aches for you
needs to hear you, feel you
see you, touch you
for awhile i
felt better
focusing on myself instead of you
and still most days are fine
but it’s been
five weeks
and my heart can’t lie
it still hurts,
and so i’ll let it
i’ll write word
after word
until my thoughts become fewer
and that fraction
of my heart
becomes so small that all
that you are
is somebody that i learned from
i’m grieving the old you
because i loved him, not you
so don’t mistake
my longing
for an ounce of love
toward you
because what i miss is my
ignorance
i miss the you i
thought i knew
going back and reading every lie
you ever said
hurts like hell because i believed
in the goodness of your heart and
in the depth of your love for me
also you’re a
fucking whore
you’re a coward, selfish and weak
and it kills me because
i never saw this side of you
that’d hurt me
so carelessly, so easily
until i was already trapped
in your flames
how can you
look at yourself?
i hope your sleazy band
and homegirl
can rid yourselves of shame some day
you know i wanted to break up with you
three nights before we did
ready and waiting
and waiting for you
to run out
of excuses
to be too busy to talk to me
except those three nights
you were blowing me off
she was blowing you
and once she fell asleep
you started texting me
you started
chasing me
practically begging for me
since i pulled away
did you not
see how fucked that was?
i saw right through you
i can’t believe that i
was really out here curving
girls and guys and
waiting for a text from you all day
while she was in your
fucking bed
how can you
look at yourself?
oh well... i just hope you know
she only sucks so well
because of all
her practice
nothing wrong with practice
unless cheating
is involved
or unless you’re
comparing us
when you’re the one
who ended our deal
and all my practice turned into
just a couple times per year
i may have been fooled
but i know
i’m not the foolish one
july 22 — i'm grieving the old you, because i loved him, not you.
what i wish i would have added
during our last phone call
is my list of why i’m
done with you
because cheating
wasn’t all
maybe it’ll be up here soon
or maybe
it’s not worth it. either way i’ll
find my peace
and accept my reasons to
forget you
i took pride in choosing you
but the truth is
i should have known
that you could never
be enough for me
when your very first i love you
was as special
as a single text
ten days after knowing me
and the truth is
i should have left you
one hundred different times
but thank you
for the lessons learned
now i see the flaws in my
steadfastness
and now i know
what happens
when i settle for less
than what my worth is
and waste my time
while feeling worthless
i’d say i miss you but
i don’t know
who you are anymore
but goddamn
i miss who you portrayed yourself to be
and all the precious little ways
you used to
treat me
i fear i won’t get
over this
until the loss and betrayal
i grew up with is healed
it’ll probably take years
but i know
you know
i won’t stop fighting
i’m on a mission
i’ll complete
and so i have all
the peace i need
and so i’ll keep shoving my thoughts
and ego
into shitty unsent stanzas
so i can
get them out of my head
and i’ll keep
giving myself the love
that i once too willingly
gave to you
i’m celebrating myself
for my growth
because each time i look back
i’m reminded that
i keep getting stronger
without you in
my way
my life is no longer feeling unwanted
and devalued
feeling crazy because you’re
“putting in
lots of effort tho :(“
how fucking dare i
ask for more?
you made me feel
like i deserved your selfish ways
like i should pour my love to you
and keep quiet
when you don’t pour your love
in return
you pulled my crazy out
at full capacity
and i don’t think you can
understand that misery
until someone puts you through it too
i know i’m no angel
i know i messed up too
and worst of all
i gave you the job
to indicate my value
but never will i
blame myself
for your actions
that were heartless
are you the
monster in your nightmares?
at least you’re
back in florida now
a long distance from my heart
was it hell for you?
because it was hell for me
when we were ten miles apart
thank you for
not texting me
because there’s a small chance
i would have caved,
at least in the moment
before my heart
remembered it’s strength
what’s hardest to accept
is that i lost the chance
of finding a friend in you
in time.
i’m proud to have
deleted half
but i still have
four hundred and sixty-five photos
of memories to
let go of
do you remember when we
were happy?
does your body remember
touching mine?
i know that somewhere
in a parallel world or two
our bodies lie
together
except for
you and i
are different people at a
different time
we’re much more compatible
and you’re not a
piece of shit :)
july 22 —
how is old subject still together??
your band is built on lies and betrayal, how are you still together? how are you all still friends? how are you able to build a trusting relationship with any of your bandmates anymore? does west not know that his two best friends were fucking his girl behind his back?? maybe he does and he doesn’t care. in that case, he needs some fucking help, just like the rest of you. is this just normal in orlando? it’s disgusting.
i saw that anthony is dating her now... how the hell does that work? why is west okay with that? maybe he was just manipulated into it. sounds likely. you’re all fucked. are you still fucking lauren? does anthony not care? i guess cheaters don’t care about other cheaters..? you make me fucking sick.
but it’s not my business anymore. it’s not my time that’s being wasted anymore. i’m the one breaking my own heart now, by checking to see what’s new with you.
christian checkers, i fucking hate you.
i fucking hate you. always and forever.
and fuck old subject. july 30 — i’m really tired of missing you
i want to hear the new music you’re writing. i want to hear the current music you’re recording, the final drafts you’re creating. what are you listening to lately? sometimes i just want to hear that sweet voice of yours again. i really wouldn’t mind hearing you sing to me one last time.
but of course another part of me never ever wants to hear your voice again. i don’t know if i can listen to you again.
i’m grateful for the good memories even though you destroyed everything in the end. i’m grateful for the late nights of singing lovey made-up lyrics and sleepy lullabies and our shared favorite music and all your latest songs. that will always be special to me.
tbh i really just want to hear you call me your little cutie again. i just want to hear exactly how many times you love me more. i just want to hear you, no matter what you’re saying to me. i just miss your attention really.
these withdrawals are killing me tonight. you’re a sick sick sick addiction baby...
ps i miss you. but that doesn’t mean i want you. aug 2 — your audacity still amazes me
you knew every little thing about me. how could you? you knew every single trauma in my life. yet you still re-traumatized me? consciously? i still feel sick when i really think about it.
you really said this sounds like a great idea hahahahaha! she’ll be fine hahaha! it’s not like she doesn’t already have deeply rooted problems with betrayal and trust hahaha. might as well fuck around and add more just to be selfish hahahaha :):)
fuck you.
and fuck the ounce of hope that’s still in me, no matter how much i shut it down, no matter how rationally i look at this situation.
if i could go back and do it all again... i’d teach my 17 year old self how to set boundaries. i’d tell her it’s okay to say no. it’s okay if i don’t want a serious relationship. it’s okay if i know i probably can’t handle long distance. it’s okay to let you go too soon. it’s okay to fuck around with you for six months and then really FEEL the heartbreak and loss when you go.
but i was too scared to feel that, and so i resisted it for two more years, until we blew up in the end.
lesson learned. i don’t think i would have listened to my own advice back then anyways. i’m not the same person anymore.
this loss was inevitable, but it didn’t have to fucking happen how it did. you’re a fucking asshole. i hate you for ruining the chance for us to ever find each other again in the future. this loss just has to be fucking permanent. it’s like you’re dead, gone forever, torturing me through your grave via social media. this fucking kills me and you know it. you’re gone from my life forever. fuck you!
i’ve recently learned that one of my biggest flaws is that i’ll keep going. i’ll put on the strongest face i can and put myself through hell. to prove what to who?
i fight (my own) resistance daily, so what’s much more?
i kept holding on when the universe told me to let you go. i kept asking every time you showed me you weren’t going to give me any more.
i guess i didn’t realize i was putting myself through hell most my life by resisting feeling so much pain.
i was always told how i was so strong, and so i’ve been resisting feeling the grief of my dad’s death since i was nine. so it’ll keep on slowly seeping out of me, until i finally let myself feel it.
so it’s time to feel again. i know it seems scarier than it is. but i don’t know yet how to let go of this resistance, i only know how to fight it.
and i know that what hurts the most are my ego’s critical judgements, which i’ve been hearing all my life anyways. so i’m working on that too. it turns out i don’t have to listen to my inner critic! imagine that. i’m so grateful i’m learning that while i’m still 20.
this heartbreak has shown me a lot about my life. i’m waking up. i’m learning. i’m hurting. i’m working. i’m grateful. i’m abundant. i’m going to be better. and i’m going to feel better, eventually.
aug 3 — i’m grateful you’re not on twitter
because even though half my likes are about you, i find safety in knowing i won’t find you there.
i’m grateful your spotify isn’t connected to your facebook
because i’m so glad i’m not able to see what songs you’re listening to in real time.
i’m grateful you’re not on youtube
because you’ve given me no temptation to watch your new videos.
i’m grateful you don’t post every day
because i don’t get the daily satisfaction of seeing something new in your life. aug 4 — happy half birthday.
even though i deleted all of your playlists, i kept the master. i’m still adding songs to it, so please enjoy the ego boost. aug 7 — tonight’s my last night sleeping with zucchinis.
the end of our friendship is bittersweet. she got me through all the nights you weren’t there, all the nights i stayed up begging and waiting for you to love me again. zucchinis never stopped loving me. she dried my tears over and over. and over and over. she saw the special side of me that neither of you could ever see again. she’s never left me, she’s never betrayed me. but the end of our friendship is inevitable. because she’ll always be tied to you, and it’s time.
i’m ready to let go, and i can’t continue to heal with her in my arms.
i’m moving back to norman tomorrow. i got a new white bunny with big floppy ears to sleep with. we’re gonna build a new world together, with pretty flowers and big mountains and colorful skies. i haven’t named her yet, but she’s my new very favorite stuffie. aug 8 — when will i stop waiting?
waiting for your call, waiting for a real apology, waiting for you to want to be a better person.
when will i stop hurting?
hurting because all i do is wait, and all you do is continue. aug 10 — you posted about your album coming out this friday.
and now all i can think about is waiting until i can look at it. i don’t think i can listen to it. not unless the tracklist is different than what you played for me a few months ago.
i know you wrote a song about her, and i’m definitely not listening to that one if you release it. fuck you for that, and fuck you for posting it, and fuck you for probably putting it on your album.
ugh. what songs did you add? what songs did you keep? what songs did you rewrite? what songs did you delete?
i guess i’ll find out on friday.
you always kept me waiting. so at least i’m used to the misery. fuck you for that, and fuck you for everything else too. aug 12 — your album
my heart beats so quickly as my speakers fill my car with your voice. your beat.
that’s how you’ve always liked your music to be listened to.
my eyes can’t help but fill with tears, because you surround me in my car once again.
i’ll be skipping most of these. i’ve heard the close-to-final drafts.
but where did two of your songs go? my songs. our songs.
gone, just like that.
i skipped her song. i can’t. i’m not doing that to myself.
congrats to her. for all of it.
but nonetheless i’m proud of you. goddamnit why am i still proud of you? why can’t i rip you away from my mind?
interlocutor is dumb. you’re fucking dumb. and i keep forgetting it, why do i keep forgetting it?
coffee shop song is the only one i haven’t heard yet.
i think you could have put in a little more effort. it reminds me of shitty cheesy fan fiction i used to read in high school.
i can’t help but remember that you didn’t start talking about moving to seattle until she came into your life.
people pleaser pisses me off because you’re a selfish fucking coward.
and that’s it.
you really forgot about two and a half years just like that, huh?
it was only an eighth of our lives, and the fraction is just shrinking from here.
it’s fine. don’t acknowledge your mistakes.
i know you’re just running, still running.
from the reality of me, the reality of blowing up our relationship and both of us with it.
you know i deserve better. i know it, that’s for damn sure.
but i held on to the idea that maybe you’ll still change. maybe you’ll put in all of your effort to call out to me without reaching out to me. maybe you’ll show your remorse.
but thank you for confirming otherwise. because for the first time in months, i feel relief. peace. i can let go.
there’s peace in getting fucked over with no apology, because i know i can stop expecting it.
i’m sitting in my car at rae’s, about to go back to norman. the sun is slowly rising.
i know she will fall again tonight. but for the first time, the first time ever. i sense a feeling of peace. a feeling of acceptance.
i’ll keep depending on the sun to rise and fall again. and you can do what you want, acknowledge or run from whatever you want.
and that’s on you, completely.
you can keep carrying your shame. it’s gonna follow you.
for the first time ever, i feel peace in knowing i can let you go. i can let you be. finally.
thank you for letting me be too.

6/10 if i’m being generous. pretty fake deep. some songs are good, but most of them just don’t quite slap, at all. the album had a lot of potential. but things are definitely missing, and you can hear it lacking. in emotion? truth? it’s fun to see you try though.
you’re welcome for my first truly honest review, now that i’m no longer blind up your ass.
you truly deserve much nastier words from me.
lastly, fuck you whole heartedly. aug 14 — your voicemail from october 1, 2018
it’s the only one you ever left me. except for a couple of one-second nothings.
that was a monday, at almost 5pm. i was out of class, and i bet you had just gotten out as well.
it was pretty cringy, your voice is all nasally, mumbling “anna i love youu.” you can barely make out what you said, but i heard you perfectly.
god. those first two years are the times i wish i could remember, instead of the last few months. but i can’t delete just part of our story.
i wish you left me another voicemail.
tell me you love me, one last time?
i only remember leaving you one.
a couple months ago, right before we broke up. i called you, no answer. i called again and again. i knew you were with her.
i knew you were.
and with a shaky voice i told you i loved you and i missed you, and who knows what else.
i don’t remember.
i was shattering to pieces.
anyway.
i don’t really love and miss you anymore.
well at least the part of me that doesn’t is becoming bigger and stronger than the part of me that does. most days. gradually.
but you know i still do. no matter how bad i wish i could stop.
i’m learning to defeat that side of me, the one who still wants you, the one who hates myself, the one who’s learned and adapted through trauma.
i’m learning a whole new side of me. every week she’s stronger. i’m in therapy. i’m working so hard.
i’m learning what it’s like to love myself. to accept myself as i am, in this moment. i’m loving me for all of me, even the part of me i’m learning to control.
i’m grateful. for every little thing. i’m voicing it, i’m manifesting, i’m meditating, i’m creating the energy i want and need.
the more i practice, the stronger i am.
i’m not thankful for any part of you. but i am grateful for what i’ve learned through all of our experiences. aug 15 — two years ago today
you moved away, leaving me for the first time ever.
i knew it would break me, but back then i didn’t understand why it’d break me so much.
i didn’t understand trauma yet, i just knew i was broken.
from the moment i met you, i knew i’d be miserable if i let myself fall in love.
in our first messages, you told me you were moving to florida in several months. i knew, but i didn’t understand the impact it’d have
it scared me yes, but why didn’t it stop me?
i tried, but not really. but i wasn’t strong enough, because i wasn’t taught how to set those boundaries.
plus, your love was addicting.
i couldn’t turn away once i’d tasted it.
once i’d fallen in love with you, (i didn’t want to, might i add), i was too scared to lose you, and i knew i had to let you go eventually, but i chose to hold on to the little of you i could still have, and i held on for two more years, and it broke me. much more than it would if i would have let you go in the first place.
but how could i have let you go? i was stuck to you like a magnet, one with a pull stronger than a thousand miles.
it’s because for our entire relationship, i was attached to someone you weren’t.
and you became that person i was attached to, for awhile. but that broke you.
did you have to break me back?
you slowly showed your true colors. i noticed, but i held on to the you who i loved.
not that i didn’t love all of you, even the awful parts. and not that i don’t anymore. i still do.
but i did expect you to treat me as well as you used to.
i was so scared to leave you. always. you once said, early on, that you never wanted to break up and get back together because of the toxic cycle with your ex.
i stayed in fear of never being with you again, (plus trauma and fear of loss), then we created a different toxic cycle, and now we for sure can’t ever be together again.
we’ll never be the same again.
were we too different to begin with in the first place? aug 17 — why did i respond to you?
i really don’t know.
i do regret the last thing i said, about the breakup sex.
but it’s not like i have a thing to lose between us. it’s not like it could happen.
why did you message me?
i posted a selfie on my story, hotter than you’ve ever seen me. hotter than her, that’s for sure.
and then you saw me at an apartment you didn’t recognize. you couldn’t stand it.
you’re too easy to read.
but what am i worth to you? an apology over snapchat? haha, thanks.
and she’s worth ruining one of the best things you had going for you. she’s worth a spot on your album. not me, according to you.
if i came out with an album tomorrow, every song would be about you.
but i don’t understand why you freaked out last night when i didn’t respond within the hour. no i didn’t block you, i was busy. my time doesn’t cater to you anymore. i owe you nothing.
you don’t owe me anything either, but you’re goddamn right you do if you EVER want me back.
and why did you unadd me on snapchat? why can’t you take responsibility?
my heart broke when your name moved to “other viewers” on my story.
you can’t erase me.
please don’t erase me.
i’m not your mistake. that’s you and her.
erase her, erase yourself. but not me. please. aug 18 — one of your friends found me.
i don’t know which one.
i don’t know if they’ll ever tell you about this or not. i don’t really care.
but i’m gonna continue to write to you as if you’ll never see these, all while secretly hoping you will...
i purposefully didn’t end our conversation tonight. you probably know why.
queen of procrastinating goodbyes right here :)))
they all hurt the same, whether in person or over text. no matter how many of them we go through. but if i can wake up and talk to you one more time, i will. forgive me.
god. i have an abundance of men, plus not as many women, but none of them are you. no one feels as good to talk to.
i’ve missed this. but i’ll tell you goodbye in the morning.
and dear god, don’t even get me started on the fact that you’re moving back here. this is gonna be hard.
good thing i’m strong, and good thing you make it so easy to hate you.
now i really understand how the breakup sex text was inappropriate. i’m sorry. i didn’t know that you were coming back.
let’s pretend it never happened please? aug 19 — the mark i left on the sunroof of your car, is it still there?
or is this a reminder to wipe it away?
i don’t remember exactly what it said, probably an i<3u signed by me.
it has to be from over a year ago.
i can’t help but think of all the little things.
like the fact that you made out and more with her in your car, under my name, under my heart.
and i still can’t help but fill with rage because apparently your body count matters to you, but our promises, our commitments, don’t. didn’t.
i get you’re justifying your actions. but what really matters here? what really mattered in those moments? what really fucking mattered?
what still matters?
there’s a difference between accepting your mistakes and justifying your mistakes. one takes a lot more responsibility than the other.
and by the way, i know you, and i know for a fact that you think of her when you think of that song. you never answered that question, but it’s a response that gave me your truth.
i’ve spent hours dissecting your lies. i know all your little half-truths. i know how you lie.
i know how you try to convince yourself more than you try to convince me.
and i know the defensiveness you’ll feel if you read this.
but you know. that she’s connected to that fucking song. deep down, don’t you..
i’ll probably start writing somewhere else... i don’t know exactly what i’ll do yet.
you don’t need to see my full truth, and there are things that still need to be spoken. you’re welcome.
ps. drive home safely. aug 20 — i don’t remember my dreams
but how could i forget, when you make an appearance?
of course you made your way into my dream. and of course i remember it. that’s just how the world likes to fuck with me lately. so fucking cruel.
i don’t remember much. i remember a few visuals. i remember your body. i remember your touch.
and i remember how i felt.
i enjoyed the sweet moment in my sleep. i held onto the few minutes before i reached consciousness. i knew it couldn’t be real.
and then i woke up. that feeling was gone in an instant as dread filled my body.
and the dread is still seeping into my morning.
how do i make this stop?
and i know i said goodbye, but why did you suddenly go ghost? why didn’t you say it back?
i know we’re not dating anymore but it still hurts when you ignore me.
are we just gonna keep hurting each other?
am i just gonna keep hurting myself?
fuck this. aug 21 — sure, but just a couple more things..
i’m only deleting these because because i want you to heal. i really do. and i’m only deleting the one about your band because i’m trusting you that they know everything now. even that you were still fucking her while she was dating anthony.
i’ll delete this one after awhile too.
here’s a collection of drafts and things i wanted to get off my mind. read or skip whatever you want.
-you gave me your word that you’d tell your future partners the full, entire story of what happened with us, but you never promised me that part.
you’ll know you’re trustworthy again, once you’re able to own up to it, once you’re proud of how far you’ve come since then.
you’ll be able to tell the full truth one day without shame, once you take responsibility, once you’re worthy of trust again.
i’m rooting for you to be a better you. always remember that.
-i was literally mid bite of a shroom-pbj the night you messaged me. i didn’t wanna tell you that you kinda fucked up my night.
but still, it was fun. much much better than acid. i had a good night with rae and another friend.
but i think i was a lot weaker emotionally the next day, when i caved and texted you.
god, i hate how you make me cave. sometimes my stubbornness fails and works against me instead of for me.
-the only fans i was making? ha. you most likely know, but that was alllll talk. of course it was. can you blame me christian? i just wanted your attention again. i just wanted you to want me again. that pain is awful. it destroyed me.
-the only good thing (for me) about you moving back home is that we’re both on the same page that we’re not getting back together, and we don’t want to. that’s relieving. the last thing i want with anyone right now is a relationship.
-i’ve been tempted to hurt myself the past few days. i was triggered by you, i was triggered by rae, who’s not having a good time right now, i was triggered because i’ve emotionally withdrawn from my mom lately, and her response has me feeling like my middle/high school self. that’s not any of your faults, i just gotta learn to overcome inevitable triggers. plus, i’m almost a year clean.
i haven’t hurt myself, but i did get my nipples pierced. i expected a lot of pain, but it didn’t hurt any more than most of my cartilage piercings. 10/10. exactly where my impulsive energy needed to go.
-what happened to that one song that was gonna be on your album? the really pretty one that i loved. i don’t remember the name. your voice in it was my favorite.
-i got my med card finally. it came in a few days ago.
i’m high constantly these days, haha love that :/ my last cart lasted a single week—they were lasting two months each in the first half of the year. i can’t stand this, but i’ll need to slow down with school starting this week.
-most of this is just useless information. you don’t need to know what’s new in my life. i don’t need to tell you. i just miss telling you things i guess. you’re able to choose not to read any of it if you want.
-i’m living in my sorority now. it’s been pretty good for me and helping me overcome my social anxiety. it’s scary and uncomfortable sometimes, but i need to push myself or i’ll keep on hiding.
i love my roommate bethanie. we first bonded over not being christian. we’re learning more about each other and i hope we can live with each other for most of the semester, we’ll see.
-winter by bryce bishop has been my song on repeat lately. i think you’d like it. it describes some parts of us pretty well. i’ve listened to it maybe 40 times in the last couple days? some of the back vocals remind me of your music too.
-i think i told you i got into OU’s ad firm as a creative intern, but i had a scheduling conflict so i thought i couldn’t do it. it’s online now, so i’ll get to do it this year. i might have to drop from 18 to 15 hours though, which i don’t want to do, but i probably should.
-i wish i would have believed you, every time you told me you weren’t good enough for me. i started believing you in the end. still i believe it, but that’s never stopped the part of me that loves you.
and i wish i would have believed you when you said you didn’t love me the same as you used to.
and when you said the pain i went though with you wasn’t worth it for me to have you. you’re right. you always were
-almost all of your photos are gone—it’s been a slow process but i only have twenty-something left. your voicemails are gone too, even the one-second-nothings. i took off the bracelet you got me, the beaded pink/lavender one. i have a bag of all the things that remind me of you at my mom’s, but it still needs to be sorted into piles to donate, burn, throw away, and keep (but in the bottom of a box in my garage).
your texts? fuck knows what i’ll do. i’ll probably keep them. i don’t wanna throw away all of our receipts, they’re fine as they are. my cool iphone can hide them for me after we get our stuff back.
or maybe i’ll get fed up in my emotions and want to delete all of you. i’ll let myself.
-i recently found out that both kelsey, my little, and alexis, my big, are bi. we been hangin :))
-i wish things were different. but i see the silver lining in you cheating, in you treating me like shit, because how else would i have left you? i would have held on to you until i was forced to let go. thanks for forcing me, i guess. you’re not my person, though you once had your place.
-i’m sure you can’t stand it when i bring her up. i’m sure you don’t want to think of her... how do you think i feel? she still litters my mind. the thought of the two of you together still litters my imagination. it makes me sick.
she really posted the other day wearing checkers saying something about wanting people to think of her when they see checkers. i actually laughed because of all the times i’ve seen checkers and thought of you... and consequently, her.
and she really follows your mom on instagram? still? i screamed when i saw her comment something on her post a couple months ago. it was of karat, but still. is that not disgusting?
she reposted something of your mom’s on facebook months ago too. gag me..!!
and does jake not know everything?? why the fuck does he follow her? i can’t imagine he’d want to if he knew the full story. but this isn’t my place to do anything about. just to bitch about lolol.
she posted something on facebook the night before we broke up. i knew you were cheating on me but i wasn’t thinking it was with her. (how? no clue looking back.) it was a meme about when he cums insides you. and i thought it was fucking funny. god.
isn’t that fucking awful? lmao. i wanted to puke when i found out she was in your fucking bed that night.
-i just wanna get this over with. i want to say goodbye to you, look you in the eyes for the last time. and then i want to let my heart cry and cry and cry about it. and i just want to heal. move on.
i want this to be over with.
i’ve been told it never really ends. there will always be another goodbye.
there will always be more things to say.
but i’d like to be done already.
-you dangled the idea of moving back home in front of my face for most of our relationship. you even let me taste the idea of it once, fucking teasing me, before yanking it right back. that was terrible. you know i can’t stand it.
and now you’re coming back..? god.
that’s the cruelest part of all.
-of course part of me hates you, but i still want what’s best for you. i can’t forgive you yet, but i still wish you well. and i wish i didn’t have to hate you, but i do. at least for now. until i don’t love you anymore. i’ve accepted that we can’t ever be in a relationship again, and so i’m taking that and running.
-i got your things from my mom’s today. i’ll text you or something. i don’t know.
-good luck in your healing. i don’t know how to end this, i could keep pushing it off all day. so i guess i’ll stop now, because there will never be a perfect time to stop. goodbye, christian. aug 24 —
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2020.09.30 11:55 Nordic_Krune [Analysis] The 8 gods that have gone the longest without a new skin (As of Patch 7.10)

Hey, it’s me again, you may remember me from such posts as The god that has gone the longest without a skin ... and that’s probably all. I am back to analyse what Gods have gone the longest without a skin (as the title implies) A lot has changed since last time, Raijin, Our winneloser for the last post, finally got A skin knocking him out of the top 5. But who is the one that has gone the longest then? And who takes the #5 spot? Well lets figure it out! I decided to go beyond the needed amount and make this a top 8, as opposed to 6 last time. Originally, I was going to go with 5, but I thought I could go even bigger for this list, hope you appreciate it. I also did not exclude gods to be in this list even if they are getting skins in the future Odyssey, even though they have been leaked. This is because some future skins are leaked and others are not, and it would be unfair to only count some and not others. Besides, the main point, that being their lack of skins, still stands even so. Scroll down to the end to find the results of a polling I did, with over 400 votes!
Before I begin with the list, I want to name a few "honorable" mentions. These would have made the list if not for a recent blessing by TitanForge.
  • Bakasura was #2 on the previous list, but thanks to the Code Eater skin that came out with the 7.9 patch he is no longer there! I will admit though, locking such a long-awaited skin behind an Amazon partnership was scummy, should have been a recolor, but I digress.
  • Raijin was the winner for our last list, luckily he was blessed with the DJ skin a few weeks back. Sadly it was a part of the viewer store, and is very difficult to get. So, I suppose some Raijin fans will have to continue to weep.
  • A lot of people thought Chronos would be on this list, but that is because they forget his Illuminator skin back in January of this year.
  • Loki was considered for this list, as his last skin was in September of 2019, but he is getting a recolor along with his rework, sooo I guess he is out before he can even get in.
Ok let’s begin, I will list the skins name and their release dates. Place your bets now for who #1 could be
#8: Biohacker Kali & Chernobog – July 2nd 2019 Yup, the first on this list is a very interesting one. One of the few if not only twin skin releases. Both Kali and Chernobog got neat butterfly-techno-cyborg skins back in July of 2019, but since then they haven’t gotten much attention. Chernobog is getting a new skin in the odyssey in two months’ time, but Kali seem to maybe be left alone, with very few skins to her name. I think its funny how Chernobog, who has been in the game for 1/6th of the time Kali has, is getting close to the same amount of skins as her. With 4 non-recolor skins Vs Kali’s 5 (Not including the Limited skins) It’s a shame too, considering Kali is one of few Gods with 4 arms, which lends itself to some Neat ideas But oh well, guess it’s not as bad as the next one on the list.
#7: Touchdown Vamana – June 18th Lets play footbaaaaall. The previous Vamana skin was a pretty fun one, with a fitting voicepack to compliment it. Personally, I think Vamana has some of the best skins in the game (Lil’ Mana anyone?) But I cannot blame TitanForge for not making more skins, after all, he is one of those gods people forget about. But there are some good fan concepts for him But I guess for now we will have to do with the lil’Mana skin, which makes him 100x better.
#6: Howler Demon Hun batz – May 24th 2019 So Hun Batz is interesting. Before his 2019 skin he had gone 3 years without a skin, and I remember during the patch notes that they joked about it. He is one of the most played assassins in the pro scene, but in casuals he is rarely seen, as his ult is something you need a coordinated team to use properly. So his popularity is very split among the community. Now, as for skin ideas. All his skins are very monkeylike in some way, they do not really go away from that concept all too much. But some fan concepts really do And I think we need one that makes him something else than a monkey Speaking of apes, funnily enough the next one on the list is also a neglected monkey man.
#5: Infinite shift Sun Wukong – February 2019 ~ Let’s go dragonball! No skin for Wukong! He’s been neglected for some timeeeee ~ Our favorite shapeshifting monkey boy has not gotten a skin in a whopping 19 months. His recent popularity in the pro scene might incentivize a new skin though, but we can only hope. There are some really good fanmade concept for him I especially like this dinosaur idea There is also the idea to give him a Maui inspired skin, since he can transform into different animals. But alas, he does not need as many skins as the one next.
And now we are getting into the reaaally old ones, the ones from the year… 2018! These next gods could really need some love from TitanForge. I will also rant a bit more from here on out, so be prepared.
#4: Stiched Horror Zhong Kui - December 19th 2018 The first skin from 2018 belongs to none other than Zhong Kui! Our dear Zhong, the basis of every skin protest. There are fewer gods who have been in the game for so long, but given so little love. Luckily he was blessed by the amazing u/Wolfdawgartcorner with an amazing skin. He was also responsible for Erlang Shens uninvolvement in this list. Now, I am shocked there are not more skins for him. There are So Many Good Ideas Infact, here is one; "Chonk Kui"! It's Zhong Kui, but as a chubby cat. I am amazed TitanTina has not already done this. But there you go TitanForge, a free idea, you can pay me in gems. But his latest skin was really good, so atleast we have that. In fact, the longer a god goes without a skin, the better they are, so maybe the next ones on the list will get some amazing skins soon.
#3: Shadow Punch Ravana - December 3rd 2018 Ah our warrior gone Rogue assassin, Ravana. I love Ravana, just punching people like I am a character from JoJo's Bizarre adventure But the man has not gotten a new look for a bit too long. His latest was the decent anime skin, inspired by a mix of Dragonball and ... actually I think thats it. There are a lot of anime and videogame inspired requests, but due to copyright they can be hard to implement. I just hope they give him something soon. After this Oddysey he might climb to second place and maybe then TitanForge will realize his needs for a new look?...right? If they can’t come up with their own, The community Certainly can Help them with that So honestly I hope to see another skin for him maybe after the Odyssey is done. Speaking of the Odysey, the next one is only here to stay for 3 more weeks.
#2: Curious Critter Ratatoskr - November 12th 2018 The tiniest God in SMITE has not gotten a skin in … a bit. Now, he did have an entire event dedicated to him, so I don't think it is too bad. We also know he is getting a new skin in 3 weeks’ time, thanks to datamining Which finally makes him something else than a squirrel! So I guess he will be off the list by then, but at least he never reached the #1 spot on this list.
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And, the god who has gone the longest without a skin iiiiiiiiiiiis
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#1: Geeky Beak Thoth - July 24th 2018 Yuuup, bet ya did not expect this! (Unless you read the previous list…) Thoth was given two skins in short succession in 2018, but after that it seems that the skin well has dried up. Everyone’s favorite bookworm has gone 26 months without a skin! To put that into perspective, he has not gotten a skin since the release of Pele, which makes me feel really old… Thoth last skin is so old, babies who were born that day have learned to speak and walk. Thoth’s last skin is sooooo old, it remembers a time before covid-19 Thoth’s last skin is soooooooooooooooooooo old, it made this joke stale before it was even fresh. But yeh, with no leaked info about a new Thoth skin, or it being mentioned in the Odyssey, we must all accept that he may perhaps be skinless a while longer…
Bonus: I made a poll where I wanted the community to guess which God they thought had gone the longest without a skin Here are the results of the poll I did for two days. The choices were: Zhong Kui, Erlang Shen, Thoth, Chronos, Ravana and Ratatoskr. With 413 votes, the results were pretty good and tells us a lot about the community perception of skins.
Zhong Kui came out on top with 37% of the votes, he is the classic “Has not had any skins ever” meme fodder, so it makes sense. He also is the God (That was released pre 2019) with the least amount of skins. So I for one would not complain is he gets his own skin event some time soon.
Ratatoskr got the least votes, which makes sense, as he is getting a skin soon and the voters probably thought that would count (Even tho I wrote that it did not)
Chronos got the SECOND most votes (17%), which is hilarious, since his last skin was this January, with Illuminator Chronos… I guess it was just so underwhelming.
Thoth, the actual #1 was near the bottom of votes the first day, but ended up with the third most, meaning players do acknowledge his neglect!
I want to thank everyone who participated. Hope you also liked this post, it was a bit of work to make, but I did enjoy doing it. I also love showing fan concepts that most maybe overlook, and I hope TitanForge gives us more to purchase. The next list will probably be around next year, as that will be sufficient time for me to make a new one. By the I expect things to change… or atleast I hope? My wish is that the longest a god has gone without a skin is 2 years, as 1 year is a bit optimistic considering we got over 110 gods. Have a good day and a beautiful week!
Sources: The poll
Edit: Just some formatting changes, nothing biggie
Edit 2: Thank you for the amazing feedback! Really appreciate it! Looking forward to working on the next one after new years.
submitted by Nordic_Krune to Smite [link] [comments]


2020.09.30 07:57 lygerzero0zero A Partial History of Hololive and Bilibili

Preface

I thought it might be useful and help provide a bit of context to recent events if, as an older fan (I started watching shortly after Gen 1 debuted), I explained what I know about Hololive and Cover's history with Bilibili.
This is NOT a comprehensive history, and simply highlights select events and observations as seen from my perspective, throughout my time as a Hololive fan.
I am fluent in Japanese but cannot read Chinese, so unless otherwise stated, all information is secondhand information that came from other fans who can read Chinese, who helped explain what was happening as the events were ongoing.
Because I'm lazy, I'm not going to look up sources to cite, but you can easily find info on e.g. the live events such as Niconico Chokaigi or Bilibili World.
We all clear? Let's begin.

The Beginning

It was probably around late 2018 or early 2019 when VTubers started really getting popular in China. Their growth was driven by volunteer fan groups, who mirrored streams and uploaded translated streams and excerpts.
Keep in mind Cover, Hololive, and the entire VTuber industry were much smaller back then. You know how Gen 5 and EN blew past 100k subs each, basically within the first day? It took Gen 1 about half a year before the most popular members started hitting 50k, and 100k was a huge milestone that took about a year.
Hololive started exploding on Bilibili, and I mean really exploding. To this day, many of the members, especially those who gained Bili popularity early on, have higher sub counts on Bilibili than on YouTube. Fubuki passed a million on Bili already. Like, months ago. The market is huge there, with some independents like Kagura Mea dominating, but as far as companies go, Hololive is on top.
Back then, Cover probably didn't have the resources to manage their members' Bili presence themselves. So they got in touch with the existing fan groups, and basically said, you guys can keep doing what you've been doing, only now you're "official". And as far as I know, the girls' official Bili channels, despite being "official", are still run by fan volunteers.
Was this decision wise in the long run? Hard to say, but this weird fan/official status probably contributed to HoloLive [sic] Moments, originally an offshoot of Matsuri's Bili translation group, claiming to be "official" or endorsed by Cover in some way (spoilers, they're not).
But there's no denying that these volunteers do put in a lot of work, and for no pay, but just out of a desire to share the content they love, and I think that's worth keeping in mind. Cover's relationship with Bili and its fan groups has certainly evolved over time, and I don't really know the current situation in detail. People more up-to-date are welcome to fill in the blanks, or correct any mistakes in my explanation. To reiterate, this is only my perspective, as a long-time member of the JP and EN fan communities.

The Good Stuff

I know this is hardly what people want to hear given recent events, but I do think we should remember the positive things that came out of Hololive's popularity on Bili. Don't worry, the next section will cover some juicy drama.
First off, Hololive's Azur Lane collab, which brought in the first big wave of Western fans, was thanks entirely to Hololive's popularity on Bili. After all, Azur Lane is created by a Chinese developer. Indeed, the memes and references in the event story pretty much exclusively come from the Chinese fan community. For example, nobody on the Japan side has ever called Matsuri "Nacchan". That's just the Japanese localization of one of her nicknames among Chinese fans, "Xia Mei" or "little sister Summer".
And Bili memes were pretty hot, I'm not gonna lie. For example, as far as I know, the Aqua = onion meme actually originally came from Bili. It may be hard to believe right now, but there was a lot of genuine love and support. Lots of great fan content, art, music videos, remixes, memes, etc. etc. came from the Bili community, and I really hope we don't forget that.
Events, too. My memory in this area is heavily biased by the members I followed, but I know Fubuki and Matsuri, especially as a pair, were extremely popular on Bili, and were invited to many events, including the Bilibili booth at Niconico Chokaigi, Bilibili World (twice? I think), the Chinese equivalent of Comiket that was in Shanghai, etc. They even got flown out to China for some of the events. Always to a packed crowd, wearing T-shirts, waving tapestries and towels and homemade signs, and just being super hype in general.
So yeah, there were a lot of good times. But of course, Bili also came with its share of drama.

The Luznon Incident

In this case, the anger was not directed at any Hololive members, but was directed at a third party in defense of the members. But I think there's a lot we can learn from what happened.
The incident especially serves to show just how big a problem rumors and false narratives are on Bilibili. While there was an incident that needed to be addressed, the community blew it completely out of proportion, and caused a lot of worry for Japanese fans as well.
So, from the beginning.
Luznon was the online alias of Cover's Chinese liaison (or one of them?). From what I understand, he was not a Cover employee, but a contractor who worked closely with Cover, especially in handling their business relations with Bilibili. He also did music mixing as a hobby, and is credited with the mixing on several of the girls' older song covers.
On the day of the tragic Kyoani arson, the news shook the Chinese otaku community as well, where Kyoani was well loved as the creators of many anime masterpieces. Early in the day, when the news was still breaking, it was brought up in the private chat room that Luznon used to communicate with representatives from the Bili fan translation groups.
The sequence of events I will explain here is based on Luznon's own apology note, which he posted after the fact in both Japanese and Chinese, and for that I do have a source.
According to his account, he was unaware of the details of the situation at the time, thought the fire was an accident, and made a tasteless joke in the chat room, saying that they probably set the fire on purpose for insurance money. Then, as he had a business meeting that day, he went offline for a while and didn't see the response or hear any further details about the arson. It's worth noting that, since he used the chat room to communicate with the translation groups on behalf of Cover, he was using a "Hololive Official CN" account to post those messages.
By the time he logged back in, he was a pariah, with the community absolutely outraged at his insensitive remarks over the tragic fire.
And that's when the rumors started spreading.
By the time the news reached my ears, Luznon allegedly:
  • had embezzled donation money that had been sent to the girls through Bilibili
  • had sexually harassed/stalked several of the girls
  • knew the girls' addresses and phone numbers due to being staff, and had IRL photos of them he could use to blackmail them
  • probably a bunch of other "crimes" I'm forgetting
As far as I'm aware, based on his own apology and official statements from Cover, what he was actually guilty of was:
  • making an insensitive joke using an official account
  • trying to cover up the fallout from the above, by deleting the private chat room, claiming the screenshots were photoshopped, and lying to Cover (no pun intended)
  • also he probably did make a few sleazy remarks about how cute the girls were in private chats, but never directly harassed them
Are the first two bullet points enough justification to fire him? Absolutely, and that's exactly what Cover did. But this man was completely crucified by the Chinese fan community. The rumors and false narratives spread like wildfire, and soon enough the Japanese community was also worried for the wellbeing of the Holo girls.
At the time, as a fan, it was easy for me to shrug this off. Okay, the girls were never actually in danger, and the stories were wildly exaggerated. But so what? He messed up bad, and deserved what he got. Right?
Looking at it now, seeing the stories being spread about Coco and the campaigns to harass her... it's giving me uncomfortable reminders of what happened to Luznon.

In Conclusion

I don't really have a point to make or an argument or anything. I just hope this will promote more understanding, and give some context to Hololive's relationship with its Chinese fanbase.
I am of the optimistic opinion that most of the Chinese fans genuinely love and support their favorite members. I mean, how else do you get a largely grassroots fanbase of literally over a million people? And note that many of the false narratives circulating are trying to paint Coco as the villain, but the other girls as the victims, who need to be protected from this jealous usurper. Playing on the fans' desire to "protect their girls". Sound familiar?
Now, one lesson we can learn. I admit I was swayed by the rumors at first. I mean, my favorite VTubers were in danger! Those poor girls! But things started falling apart when I asked for details from the Chinese fans who were telling us about what was happening. You're saying he sexually harassed the girls. What did he actually do? Send them inappropriate messages? How do we know this? Did someone manage to obtain chat logs or something? Are there witnesses? Do we know what he did to them?
Unsurprisingly, there were no answers to these questions. We're all guilty of knee-jerk reactions, we've all been gullible before, and I certainly have fallen for things when I really should have known better. But we can make an effort to question what we hear, push for details or proof, and when no details or proof can be found... well, that says something.
Unfortunately, I don't have a solution to the current situation. I can't tell you how to stop an angry, out-of-control Chinese internet mob. I wish I could. I only hope you found this informative, and maybe you'll keep some of the history in the back of your mind when you discuss the current events and what should be done.
Reminder that this is only what I know about Hololive's history with Bilibili. I welcome others who know more to provide additional information or corrections.
Thanks for reading this wall of text.
submitted by lygerzero0zero to Hololive [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 20:46 IndieheadsAOTY Album of the Year 2014 #26: Death Grips - niggas on the moon

Album of the Year 2014 #26: Death Grips - niggas on the moon
Hello everyone and welcome back to Album of the Year 2014, the throwback write-up series where the users of indieheads talk their favorite albums of 2014. Sorry for the day delay on this one, as we had a lot of shakeup with our schedule and needed a day to figure out our final plans to end the series off. Up today though, we'll be re-publishing ReconEG's For Your Consideration entry on Death Grips' 2014 album, niggas on the moon (Disc 1 of their double album, 2015's The Powers That B).
June 8th, 2014 - Third Worlds
Listen:
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Background by ReconEG
niggas on the moon is the name of Disc 1 of The Powers That B, the fourth and first double album from experimental hip-hop band Death Grips. Death Grips are frontman Stefan Burnett (otherwise known as Ride or MC Ride), drummeproducer Zach Hill, and produceengineer Andy Morin. Coming off the release of their third album Government Plates, the band dropped the first half of an upcoming double album, entitled The Powers That B, that they were in the process of working on and planning on fully releasing by the end of the year. Being a Death Grips was already a wild journey at this point but the cycle between this album and the release of Disc 2, Jenny Death, was well.. especially crazy.
A few weeks after the release of niggas on the moon, the band announced that they were "over," posting this note on their Facebook page which said:
we are now at our best and so Death Grips is over. we have officially stopped. all currently scheduled live dates are canceled. our upcoming double album ‘The Powers That B" will still be delivered worldwide later this year via Harvest/Third Worlds Records. Death Grips was and always has been a conceptual art exhibition anchored by sound and vision. above and beyond a "band". to our truest fans, please stay legend.
The "breakup" was a shock to many fans, and had people wondering what was going to happen with their next album, which seemingly now was going to be their last. What followed next was a hailstorm of confusion, which included the release of the first single from Jenny Death, “Inanimate Sensation,” fans finding the band’s secret Twitter account which posted photos of the 3D-rendered arena featured in the music video, the band not dropping the album before the year ended with fans theorizing release dates, the release of Fashion Week, a self-described soundtrack where all the tracks were named Runway and a letter after it, with all the letters spelling out “JENNY DEATH WHEN,” a meme created by fans waiting for the album, more fake release dates as found by record stores/retailers, a rehearsal video, and finally announcing the album’s release date, along with a tour… to a random girl on Twitter commenting on another girl’s MC Ride skirt.
Of course, the band’s breakup never ended up happening as they’ve released two more albums since Jenny Death in Bottomless Pit and Year of the Snitch, one EP, a song with Primus' Les Claypool, a 22-minute long single that might as well be an EP, and the somewhat official release of Gmail and the Restraining Orders, a soundscape that was used for the opening of the band's live shows during the The Power That B tour, released exclusively via an NTS Radio session celebrating Warp Records' 30th anniversary.
Review by ReconEG (Originally published on November 14th, 2018)
I should acknowledge that before I continue this review, this is the second time coming back and reviewing this album, as I wrote about this back in 2015 as the first ever entry to the Album of the Year series. However, it's been over 3 years since I first wrote that and I'm horribly embarrassed by anything I've made pre-2017, and since this write-up niggas on the moon’s favor has only increased in my mind, as for me, this is Death Grips' peak. While I've enjoyed their output since this record, NotM sees the band at the ultimate peak of their creative powers.
Before we get into that whole deal though, let’s talk about the music, huh? The album starts off with "Up My Sleeves", which for my money, is the best intro track to any Death Grips album ever. With the sound of an Simon XT Security System saying “Doors and windows on / Motions on” and some beeps, the song goes into a refrain by MC Ride repeating the title to an almost nauseating degree, before the real hellscape of the album kicks into full motion, with almost tortured vocal samples (that are mostly Björk, which, if you forgot, this entire album is filled with her voice throughout. Do you know how insane the hype cycle to Jenny Death was that we mostly forgot that Death Grips made a pseudo-collab album with motherfucking Björk?) and warlike drums pounding before Ride comes in for a verse that literally fetishizes suicide/death, a common theme throughout the album with the sliders between death and sex shifting throughout the whole album.
Right off the bat though with this verse and the second, something feels… off. You can tell that Ride wants to get back into the normal Death Grips zone, with wild visuals to imagine of the world’s most depraved, but there’s a creeping sense of reality that’s about to set in, as his fetishizations of death feel repetitive, almost too much so. Behind a creeping ambient piece, Ride calms his vocal delivery as he imagines his own grave, unmarked at Sacramento City Cemetery, also known as the Broadway Cemetery due to its location on the Broadway street. Before we have a moment to relax and sit back though, an evil laugh cuts through the fog as Ride’s voice unravels about a terracotta army that begins to dis-arm and dis-own him, which could easily be interpreted as about the fans, which a lot of this album could potentially be about in a lot of ways.
Then though, that sense of reality hard cuts into the frame when Ride delivers the lines “My dead mother in my dream, remember when December / Blew her ashes 'cross my jeans, off these jeans.” On previous albums, we’ve seen bits and traces of Ride’s reality behind his usual hyperbolic sensational visions, but this isn’t that. This is reality. Ride’s mother is dead and he is grieving. It’s hard to go back into the usual Death Grips mode when real death has stared at you, right in your face. And in this harsh reality setting in, so does Ride’s vocal delivery, as he literally sounds deranged as he screams “Used to know who I was, fuck if I knew who that was / Pay no mind, illogical, just don't die in a hospital/ Oh, yeah, I should be worried, oh, yeah, I'm temporary.”
He further descends into chaos by the short, fourth verse, as his deranged yells grow even further, before the refrain comes back in and out once again before a short outro with the Björk samples in full turbulence mode, with Ride’s vocals sounding almost like he’s trapped inside a computer program. This then perfectly transitions into “Billy Not Really”, which takes the sliders further into the levels of sex, with onomatopoeias all over the place in the chorus and some seriously out there imagery like being “buried in frozen Jheri curls” and “She tune in telly through your shriveled button pressed jaundice yellow.” Complete nonsense right? Most likely, but it’s this almost seemingly nonsense throughout the song that makes the hits of reality all that more powerful, as vulnerable lines like “Visits some medium, won't come near me / Treats me like a meteor, she scares me” and the vice versa switching of “She's your experience, you're her experiment” and “You're her experiment, she's your experience” catch you off guard.
This detachment but over-reliance on sex is further expanded on in “Fuck Me Out,” with the main hook of the song being “Death, fuck / Let's fuck / Just don't touch me / Just fuck-fuck me / Fuck-fuck me out / Why don't you just / Fuck-fuck me out.” The entire song is filled with short bursts of disarray, with Ride literally blabbering gibberish by the end of the track, as he doesn’t care to articulate his way into sex. He just wants to fuck and that’s that. And you know this as Ride uses the word “fuck” 86 times in this song, so really it's a perfect song to play on the radio if you ask me.
Moving back into the album, another theme on this album which I don’t really qualify too much to talk about is Ride reclaiming his black identity, which is seen mostly on “Black Quarterback.” There was a conspiracy a few months after this album came out that the entire record, and specifically this track, was a diss at Kanye West for him ripping off Death Grips’ sound for Yeezus. I should state that this conspiracy is overall dumb as fuck and we should instead focus on the fact that this song is an ACAB anthem and for that, it is good as hell.
Another thing I want to focus on real quick before we go back into Ride’s mental health spiral of terror, is how god damn good the production on this album is. While Zach Hill’s use of the v-drum kit throughout this album is awe inspiring, it’s Andy Morin’s engineering work that keeps it from descending into unlistenable territory, as seemingly enough, Morin has been the glue that’s kept Death Grips together, as his engineering work is possibly the most important element that’s made Death Grips stand out, and this album is possibly his finest work yet. While Hill and Burnett had discussed starting Death Grips for years, it wasn’t until Morin got on board that the group fully came together.
Back to the album though, “Say Hey Kid” features one of Death Grips’ most bonkers intros yet, as despite his breakneck pace, Hill is able to turn these rapidfire beats into tangible, catchy melodies. Along with the Björk vocal samples spread throughout, there’s also a lot of woodwind samples used as drum beats on Hill’s v-drum kit. As previously mentioned, but let me state this with more emphasis: a majority of the album’s beats were done by Zach Hill on an electronic drum kit. That is still insane to me. But to the song itself, it’s scathing critique of capitalism and herd mentality. The set of bars of “Don't it feel good to drive a bus / People need to get picked up / Pride your uniform and stunt / You do what my people would grunt” encapsulates this perfectly, as doing a public service like driving a bus should be something’s that’s praised, but Ride’s people (which you could interpret as other black people, but once again that is a convo I am very much not qualified to talk about) dismiss this, choosing to look up to people higher on the totem pole.
However if I do have any critiques about the album, the second half is notably weaker than the first half. While I appreciate what it has to offer more than I did in 2015, the run from “Up My Sleeves” to “Say Hey Kid” is one of the most impressive feats I’ve seen in music this decade. “Have a Sad Cum BB” is nice little Government Plates-esque refresher that establishes the depravity in “Fuck Me Out,” and “Voila” is a creepy little track that bounces between esoteric criticisms of organized religion and mental health specialists. However, “Voila” has probably grown to be my least favorite track on the album as it is the calm before the storm. The production more than makes up for it with some Hella-esque drum fills and the Björk vocal sample chaos during the refrain.
Then there’s “Big Dipper.” Good lord, what a fucking outro. You got Ride spitting out some of his most cryptic lyrics yet intercut with some of his most personal and vulnerable, as the hook of “I'm a bullshitter / I'm a shitty stripper / I'm a silhouette lifter / I'm a struck stuck off kilter / I'm a bent bewildered / I'm a fucking downer / I'm a binge thinner / I'm a Big Dipper” hits on not only every ounce of criticism people have thrown at Ride’s way, but also whatever bits of self-loafing left unsaid. And then there’s a set of lines like “(I'm a) Scarecrow dialect dispatch on that shit kommando mix / Matte moxy subwooferish junkie maxi mumbai lit” that I still do not understand at all but it sounds really cool coming out of Ride’s mouth so it doesn’t matter much to me.
And then the ending to this song and the album? “It's my pyre, agoraphobe if I want to, afford to be / Consumed / This pyre's my costume; get too close, it'll lick you / Like it likes you, cause it loathes you even more than I do” are the final sets of bars Ride says as he fades out of the mix, with only Hill’s v-drum kit left in the wake as the machine of the album completely falls apart. Not to repeat myself from the last time I talked about this album, but this part might be Hill’s finest moment as a member of Death Grips. Similar to how his old band Hella would end their sets with the track “Earth's First Evening Jimi Hendrix-less and pissed Movement 8”, Hill just goes to fucking town on that drum kit for an incredibly powerful end to an incredible album.
Now, I said earlier that this was Death Grips at their creative peak, as to me, this is before they ran out of their most interesting ideas. I made this comment about two weeks ago on the subreddit to a lot of people who ended up being mad at me. Sadly though, this is their last album that feels totally and utterly unique, sounding unlike anything that’s come before or after it since. While I still think Jenny Death is mostly great fun and features a barnburner of a track with “On GP”, it doesn’t quite compare to the cold and unforgiving atmosphere they created on this album. And then there’s Bottomless Pit, which is by far their worst album and their laziest release thus far, taking the manic energy of The Money Store but not putting any interesting ideas behind them (2020 update: it's not their worst to me now). Year of the Snitch on the other hand is a solid entry into their discography, but this is late period Death Grips and like them when they’re more maximal than minimal, which YOTS falls into the latter category of for some critical points of the album. I’ll elaborate on this a bit further in a couple of weeks when I take on YOTS in hiphopheads’ AOTY series (2020 update: this didn't end up happening and my opinion on Year of the Snitch has only worsened), but let’s tie this current review in a nice little bow.
This album is almost pure, nonstop energy, leaving you very little room to breathe in its claustrophobic environment. And yet, I’ve kept coming back to it. A lot, actually. I’ve probably listened to this album well over 100, maybe 150 times since its come out. It’s an album that balances vulnerability and mysticism in a way that I still have a lot of fun analyzing. It’s my favorite Death Grips album that seriously deserves a critical re-evaluation as there’s so much to dig into and love. Or maybe I’m looking too into things, “Ursa Major, significance minor” and all that. Nonetheless, I love this album, and you should too.
Favorite Lyrics
My dead mother in my dream
Remember when December blew her ashes 'cross my jeans
Off these jeans
Somethings only I have seen
Some people only I have been
Used to know who I was
Fuck if I knew who that was
Pay no mind illogical
Just don't die in a hospital
Oh yeah
I should be worried
Oh yeah
I'm temporary
  • “Up My Sleeves”
All my palm lines running, stretching
'Cross my palm like blind cross etching
Palm mummified chimera filming
Bronze my palm now, all brown palm now
Visits some medium, won't come near me
Treats me like a meteor, she scares me
  • “Billy Not Really”
She tune in telly through your shriveled button pressed jaundice yellow
She's your experience you're her experiment
Her box limbo fine print in obese sharpie so sorry falsetto
You're her experiment she's your experience
  • “Billy Not Really”
Your wife has a lovely neck
But what would my people suck?
If they would I could I guess
I guess her neck's the best
Her neck's just the best
Hello there, hello there
I'm perfect now and then
  • “Say Hey Kid”
I'm a bullshitter
I'm a shitty stripper
I'm a silhouette lifter
I'm a straight up off kilter
I'm a bent bewildered
I'm a fucking downer
I'm a binge thinner
I'm a Big Dipper
I'm a
  • “Big Dipper”
Talking Points
  • How about them lyrics, huh? Is there meaning behind the thing’s Ride says or is it all just mostly nonsense that sounds cool? Or is it both?
  • What do you think about the Björk vocal samples featured throughout? Do you think they perfectly add to the album’s sound or just sound annoying?
  • A lot of people think this album is a meditation on Ride’s relationship to the band’s fanbase? Do you think there’s any merit to these interpretations?
  • Do you prefer this or Jenny Death when comparing the two halves of The Powers That B?
  • Overall, where do you rank this album among the Death Grips discography?
  • And finally, where does this rank in your 2014 list?
Thank you to me, ReconEG, for the write-up two years ago! Up tomorrow, we'll have BornAgainZombie talking Kishi Bashi's Lightght. In the meantime, discuss today's album in the comments below.
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